Frolicon 2015, now w/ more Mama’s Family

Frolicon is always a big marker for me.  It falls on (at least twice) or close to both my birthday and my Owner’s (mine is the day after hers), so we always consider it our birthday party each year.  It’s the anniversary of me joining Sir Loki’s pack (4 years now, I think), and it usually brings some kind of cool milestone w/ it (got my first pup tail, got my first pup hood, first time I played w/ Loki was there, given my leather vest there…).  Last year was extra fun b/c it was Hunter’s first Frolicon.  This year was extra great b/c it was Cuddles’ first time.  And there was also a little birthday surprise for me coming from Pup Nitro…

In the past, I’ve done a rather detailed, day-by-day write-up of all our fun and shenanigans.  Search “Frolicon” in the blog and you’ll find all of those.  However, this year I think I’m just going to do the highlight reel.

I’ll start w/ the small negatives and get those out of the way.  Where there less parties this year?  In the past it seems like there were a couple of parties on every floor, but this year we found surprisingly few room parties to wander into.  (Our favorite was the Furry’s party.)  Also – Ma’am, Poet and I all agreed that there seemed to be fewer costumes this year.  Yeah, there were some, but not nearly as much cos-play going on as I usually expect at a Frolicon.

Pretty minor as far as “complaints” go, right?  That’s b/c I love this con!  Maybe I should explain, for those reading this and not knowing what the hell I’m going on about:  Frolicon is basically a kinky geek con.  Take your favorite comics/anime/fantasy/sci-fi con, throw a massive dose of kink/fetish/BDSM/leather on top of that, and then douse the whole thing w/ massive quantities of alcohol.  That’s Frolicon.  Other cons have the Mr. Super-important-leather-guy title contest… Frolicon has “Most Spankable Ass.”  That kind of sums it up right there.  It’s intelligent, open-minded, perverted people goofing around and having a shit-ton of fun.

My Owner asked me what my favorite moment was.  I told her it wasn’t a specific moment, but that it was just watching our young pups, Hunter and Cuddles, play together, tease one-another, and just goof off.  I adore those two and really have so much fun watching the relationship they are developing.  I can’t really call them my omega pups anymore.  Hunter was omega last year (/ me holding his leash most of the time), but he’s been playing a lot more as a Top lately, so “omega” doesn’t fit him… but they are still my “younglings” – my kid brothers in the pack – and I just delight in their energy and silliness.  (And a special "at-a-boy" to Hunter b/c he was Mr. Johny-on-the-Spot the whole weekend: organizing plans, keeping up w/ everyone, taking care of things and pups...  Thank you, Hunter; I was very proud of you.)

We had a threesome one morning that got so silly that, as Hunter put it, “I laughed so hard I lost my boner – three times.”  Not a bad thing.  It was during that threesome that we learned that Cuddles has an Islamaphobic penis… and that Hunter pulled the Gideon Bible out of the drawer and used to spank Cuddle’s ass while making him say “Hail Mary.”  (My comment: “This is what goes on in Git-Mo.”) Yea for goofy fun sex!

I got to play w/ Sir with Cuddles and I co-bottoming.  That was fun.  My pug marks pretty!  And I got to molest Cuddles while we were in Nigthwing and Robin costumes.  I tied him up and stuck a vibe down his pants – got quite a reaction.  ;)

The carnival was great fun!  I held-up pretty well in the "American Gladiator" game w/ the staffs.  We learned that Cuddles is light enough to stick to the Velcro wall - which was incredibly funny!  And we had some fun in the bouncy castle before Hunter had to bail out b/c he'd just drank a carbonated soda.

We had an awesome family photo-shoot w/ the staff photographers.  I can’t wait to see those pics: especially the ones w/ Ma’am and Poet in their Iron Skies uniforms holding their rubber K9 on-leash.  I think we made a pretty sexy trio.

Had some puppy mosh time w/ the younglings, and we were joined by a new pup.  We were already playing and one of our friends saw her come into the dungeon w/ her Handler, see us, and start bouncing up-and-down w/ happy excitement.  That was great!  I didn’t get to talk w/ her outside of pup-space, but I did meet a couple of other new pups.  One told me that it was seeing me and my pack at Frolicon that inspired him to explore his pup-side – and that was very cool to hear.

Next year our friend Gator has offered to organize a Pup Olympics at Frolicon – w/ some help from me and my pack.  Already looking forward to that!

I missed seeing this myself, but I have to relate a cool thing that happened to my lovely Owner, Shdwkitten.  She and her boyfriend, Poet, were standing in line for the burlesque show, and somebody came and pulled them out of the line and escorted them to reserved VIP seats in the front row.  When the first act started, the dancer came off stage, cued the spotlight to spot Ma’am, and crawled into her lap.  At the end of the show, Big Mama D did her closing number and then called Ma’am up on stage.  She whipped Ma’am on stage and then, in front of 200 people, said, “Happy birthday, Shdwkitten.”  That’s pretty, fucking awesome!

I enjoyed touching-base w/ friends I don’t see enough of outside Con.  I enjoyed spending time w/ my awesome pack and our extended family… which includes Nitro who dropped by Friday night for dinner and a little surprise for us.  When we were getting in the elevator after dinner he said, “I have something for you,” and I had no idea what it could be.  I really didn’t know what to expect.  Then, back up in the room, w/o any ceremony or unnecessary pomp Nitro pins me and then Sir into Mama’s Family.  So, now I’m “Mama’s Wolfhound,” and Sir is “Mama’s St. Bernard.”  Did not see that coming!

I’ve heard of Mama’s Family before, but didn’t know much about it.  It started about 20 years ago w/ “Mama” Reinhardt, a nationally-known leader in the leather/LGBT community based out of San Francisco.  It began mostly as a joke when she made up silly titles for her leather family (the “first ten”) and gave them little gold name pins – names like “Mama’s Baby” and “Mama’s Ho.”  Ray Tilton, member #10, explains on their website: 

“Whenever we would all be together attending an event, we would see someone working hard for their charity, or do something that "stood out” and say, "They should be Mama's _____.” It was always fun to see what names we would come up with for Mama's "next victim". Depending on how many cocktails we all had that night and who the person was; you never knew for sure which one would make Mama's final cut. Mama's parting words on those kinds of "pin naming" sessions would be "email me in the morning". Sure enough, next time we were all together and Mama saw that person, another pinning would take place. The pinning ceremony became quite an honor and usually the person didn't know they were about to be pinned. So the true looks of surprise honor and tears were a guarantee every time.”

The Saint Bernard and I didn’t shed any tears, but this was a pretty cool – and very unexpected – honor.  I don’t know what inspired this, but Nitro said something to the effect of, “Your good reputation extends well beyond Charlotte.”  *blushes*  Well… I just do what I do and try to make my Owner and Alpha proud.  The “motto” of Mama’s family is, "Do it from the heart, with manners and respect."  I think I’m cool with that.

So that’s the highlight reel.  I had a fantastic time w/ rather few complaints… and I’m already really looking forward to next year’s frolic.  Hope I see you there!

Love, Marriage, Evolutionary Psychology, Chosen Family, and Polyamory

 One of the podcasts I like to follow is On Being w/ Krista Tippett.  She interviews people of all faiths and types about a range of topics generally related to the spirit and religion.  One of the recent episodes was an interview with Helen Fisher on “Sex, Love and Attachment.”  Fisher is an academic who studies love and marriage from a variety of perspectives (neurology, sociology, psychology) and she works as a science advisor for Match.com or one of those dating sites.  She didn’t talk about polyamory per-say, but what she said had some interesting suggestions.

There were two points in particular that I found very interesting.  One was about how, while the divorce rate is going up (and everybody talks about that) it is mostly b/c life expectancy is getting longer.  The average time a marriage lasts hasn’t changed much.  But the life expectancy especially of women (due to the past dangers of childbirth combined w/ the lack of birth control) used to be shorter than now.  However, the lifespan of the average marriage has apparently always been about 12 to 15 years.  Lifetime monogamy is actually relatively new as a social norm and also makes us unique (we could say ‘abnormal’) among primates.

Now, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, this makes sense.  From the standpoint of biology, the purpose of pair-bonding w/ a mate is to raise kids, and humans take longer for our offspring to mature than any other mammal: around 12 to 15 years (before, biologically speaking, they are ready to mate and have their own offspring).  So, from the standpoint of evolutionary psychology, it actually makes perfect sense that the average pair-bond (i.e. marriage) lasts about 12 to 15 years.  Once the kids are raised, our brains stop producing as much oxytocin as they used to (that’s the hormone that makes us feel attachment to someone).

Now, the conclusion of this should not be that marriages should only last 15 or so years and then end.  I plan on making mine last until death do us part.  However, it does imply that when a marriage does end in divorce around year 14 or 15, we shouldn’t necessarily judge it as a “failed marriage.”  That’s actually normal.  That’s statistically average, and it makes sense as far as our biology goes.  Divorce is painful enough, so let’s at least take away the stigma of “failure.” 

It also means that after 12 to 15 years when we start to feel that “spark” decline, we shouldn’t quickly say, “Oh, well, I guess we’re not in love anymore; time to split-up.”  That spark is likely to decline over time; we’re kind of designed that way.  That doesn’t mean we have to end an otherwise good relationship or go into a “what’s wrong w/ us” panic.  You start out in phase 1 by marrying the person you love, but you continue through phase 2 by loving the person you’ve married… if you see what I mean.

Okay, so the second thing that came up in this interview that I thought was so interesting was Fisher’s idea of “associations.”

We all have programmed into us this idea that the nuclear family is the norm.  That’s totally wrong.  The nuclear family (with 2 parents and 2.5 kids living together in a home) is actually an abortion.  It’s a fluke.  It comes about w/ the post-war economic boom when everyone could buy a house and a car and move to the suburbs and commute to work…  We all think this is a normal way to live only b/c we’re so culturally indoctrinated w/ it.  The post war boom happened at the same time TV appeared.  So we have decades of Leave it to Beaver, The Brady Bunch, All in the Family, and Home Improvement showing us the nuclear family model.

Go back before WWII and most Americans lived the same way most people around the world did (and still do): in extended families.  The nuclear family looks like Leave it to Beaver; the extended family looks like The Waltons.  You have parents, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins living together or in very close proximity (the same street, the same tenement, or on the same ranch...). 

The nuclear family is kind of an abnormal blip… and it turns out to be inferior to the extended family model: economically, environmentally, and in terms of social-psychology.  It all-around makes more sense to live as an extended family.

Here, Fisher comes in with this cool idea that we are now starting to readjust and move out of the nuclear family model, and move back towards something like an extended family – but with a new twist.  Because our society is so much more mobile nowadays (I think the average American moves like every 6 or 8 years or something) we are no longer bound to form an extended family of our literal, biological relations who all live in the same village or neighborhood with us.  The increased mobility has meant that we are ever more seeking out places to live with people and cultures that suit us.  (This is one reason why, even politically, the blue and red regions on the map are becoming increasingly distinct and divided, because people tend to move to cities and states that share their cultural and political values, so the blue grows deeper blue and the red grows deeper red.)

Fisher speculated that this is leading us towards a new model in which we live in what she calls “associations” – or what I would call “chosen family.”  It’s more like the extended family model, only now we are choosing the “family” we are settling in with and tying ourselves to.  Association, chosen family, Leather family, poly household, pack, etc.  We are forming these new extended “families” based on shared values, and then living together or in close proximity, vacationing together, raising kids together, offering emotional support, sharing meals, and so on.

Finally, to me, both of these ideas – that the average pair-bound is only designed to last around 14 years and that we are meant to be living in an extended “family” network – seem to shine an interesting light on polyamory.  One of the advantages of the poly household is that different partners can fulfill different needs at different times.  There’s (in that respect) less stress on the pair-bond b/c you aren’t relying on one individual to meet all your needs (which is great when that works… but at least 50% of the time it doesn’t).  Then you have the added financial and socio-psychological advantages of having an extended family – and potentially even ecological advantages as well because it’s more green to consolidate households rather than sprawling all over the ever-growing suburbs.  I really think, long term, Americans have to get the fuck over this nuclear family notion of every pair unit owning their own home; it’s just very inefficient and wasteful. 

Next month at CAPEX we’re holding a poly panel discussion which I’m in on.  We’ll be talking about why and how people do poly.  What are the advantages and disadvantages?  How can you avoid or deal with jealousy and envy?  What’s the difference between polyamory, swinging, and open-relationships?  What makes an “ethical slut?”  How do you manage time, space and possessions?  How do you deal with children, family and “coming out?”

Somebody puts Emrys in the Corner

This was an Atlanta Dominion weekend, which means fun time w/ my pack and lots of hot man-on-man (and pup-on-pup) action.

Friday I drove my pug (i.e. Cuddles) and my Owner (i.e. Shdwkitten) down to Poet’s place in Greenville, SC.  We grabbed some yummy Cuban food and, after an hour or so of talking (mostly about movies) we settled in to watch one of my favorites: Hudson Hawk, a very under-appreciated, funny, wacky movie.

Sunday, Cuddles and I headed on into Atlanta.  We got a slow start, so we missed the outing to Barking Leather… but we still had a great time w/ packmates Gwynn and Hunter.  We went to a German restaurant and ate lots of meat.  And Hunter kept putting my meat in his mouth.  But I also put some of his meat in my mouth.

Sunday was another excellent Atlanta Dominion party.  I got to wear my rubber suit (with hood and tail) for the first time at a Dominion.  I even got to give a dungeon tour to a new couple while in my latex skin and tail.  I think they appreciated it.  *wags*  I kept the suit and tail on for several hours w/o overheating – even doing a scene in it – but I didn’t have the hood on that whole time and that makes a big difference.  I think the key for wearing the suit for multiple hours is going to be pulling the hood off for a few minutes once every hour or so to cool down.

So that was one good part of Dominion: being in my rubber.  Another really good part, for me, was watching Hunter and Cuddles play around together.  I admit, I find a lot of amusement in watching the “kids” mess with one-another.  I love my family!  *wags*

And the third awesome part (the part you, no doubt, have been waiting for): I had great scene with the terrific TallglassofOJ.  This was my second time being out in my latex skin.  The first time, at CAPEX, Hunter did a great job as my Handler and I got to play with littles and had lots of fun and then Hunter got me off.  This scene was also great but 180-degrees different.  OJ locked me into my hood and mitts and led me around on-leash for a few minutes, me happily trotting on all fours at his heels w/ my tail wagging away, getting into my pup-space, letting go of human thinking.  He’d stop occasionally to watch something and I’d kneel at his feet.  I started sniffing his crotch, and his smell mixed with the smell of my latex hood started to turn me on and send me flying.  Sniffing at his crotch quickly turned into nuzzling at it.

My Handler must have got the message b/c he soon found a play space and chained the puppy upright against the wall w/ a spreader bar between my legs.  He slipped a blindfold on over my puppy hood and proceeded to edge me, playing with me through the latex suit, doing some light CBT and playing w/ my nipples…  He would periodically do a one-hand choke, pushing my head back into the wall.  It wasn’t breath play b/c I could always breathe fine (as evidenced by my growling and barking), but it was really hot.  Then OJ would also smush my face into the wall.  Fucking hot!  It was such a dominant action, combined with the cock teasing, the smell and feel of rubber, the big tail-plug in my butt (and the fact that I hadn’t cum in two weeks), it really put me into a wonderful subby headspace.

Then he released my wrists from the wall and re-locked them behind my back before forcing me to my knees.  That’s when he removed my blindfold and revealed, to my surprise, he had put on his puppy hood w/o me knowing it.  WOOF!  Looking up at him in that sexy canine mask, the ceiling light back-lighting him beautifully – my eyes were already watering but now I was drooling inside my hood.

Of course he teased me, but he did finally let me get his cock in my mouth, which I gratefully and eagerly took.  When he took it away – much too soon – I almost cried.  I begged and whimpered.

Back on my feet, he chained me up again, this time putting me in the corner.  I don’t know how long he made me stand there facing the corner.  Time was funny, but it seemed like an eternity.  I think this was when he put some prison restraints on Cuddles, who was watching the scene… or maybe he did that earlier…  Finally, OJ came back and teased me more.  More rubbing.  More choking.  He even “fucked” me with my tail, wiggling the plug back-and-forth.  Ye Gods, it all felt so good!  And in that moment, all I wanted was to be a good, obedient puppy-dog.

Honestly… I can’t remember how the scene ended…  This is all very fuzzy in my head.  I just know at some point I did end up un-cuffed w/ my hood off and re-hydrating.  And, deprived of OJ’s penis to suck on, I made use of Cuddles’ as he was still chained up.  I soon had him whimpering and howling almost a much as I was… but since I didn’t get off, neither did he.  :P

It was a really fun, hot scene.  Thank you to OJ, and also, as always, to the guys who make Atlanta Dominion happen every-other month.  Ruff! Ruff!

Rubber Shamanism, Art, Sex, Pupy-Play at CAPEX, and an Article Link

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Pup Gets New, Rubber Skin

So my Christmas present finally arrived in the mail:  my first latex body suit!  It’s just an inexpensive one from Latexcatfish, but I’m super, super excited about it.  My Owner’s boyfriend is a tailor, and he took my measurements, so the fit I got is almost perfect. (Only the feet are too large. I gave them my usual shoe size, but apparently I could have gone down an inch.)

I love the smell and feel of my new, rubber skin.  It’s sooooo hot!  I'm shinny, smooth, and pet-able.  My Owner took some photos of me yesterday.  After our photo session, Ma'am let be jerk-off and cum while she told me to imagine the first time I get my puppy ass fucked while wearing my rubber skin…  Woof!

Did someone say "fetch?"

 

I love the shadow I cast in this pic.

Wanna play?

Who's a good boy?

Waggy tail

 

Shower time!

Scrub my back?

 

Ruff!

I like this pic because it looks like I'm drooling.

 Hope you enjoyed the photos.  Maybe you'll see me out and about at a mosh sometime.  Woof! Woof!

2014 Year in Review (Part 2)

40 questions about my year, Part Two

21. How did you spend Christmas?

We spent Christmas day w/ Poet’s family.  It was fun.  We drank red wine and Manhattans, we opened presents, we opened champagne bottles w/ a sword and a tomahawk, and we unraveled ribbons.  We spent the weekend after Christmas at the Treehouse w/ many of our favorite friends, family and puppies; drinking, playing games, talking about movies and comics, and opening more champagne bottles w/ swords.

22. Did you fall in love?

I fall more and more in love w/ my fantastic Owner every year.

23. Have any one-night stands?

Sex was good this year, and I had a few “stands” but they’ve all been more on-going than one night.  I met a couple of young pups at IML I would have done a one-night stand with, but no.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Clone Wars and Penny Dreadful (and more Agents of SHIELD, Sherlock, and Teen Wolf)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?

I won’t count comic books, which I’ve been mostly reading since I started bloging for Thoughtful Mirth.  Non-comic books include: How Star Wars Conquered the Universe by Chris Taylor (the most comprehensive and fun-to-read book about the Star Wars movies and fandom), Jesus for the Non-Religious by Bishop John Spong, In the Spirit of Hegel by Bob Solomon, G.K. Chesterton’s In Defense of Sanity, and (one fiction work) Leonard Cohen’s Beautiful Losers.

27. What was your favorite new music of 2013?

In the same month we got a new Leonard Cohen album and a new U2 album, and I think both were their best work in several years.

28. Best new podcast?

Stuff You Missed in History Class, On Being, and Star Wars Minute

29.  What did you want and get?

A rubber puppy hood!  *wags*

30. What did you want and not get?

A new person in my department at work.  The other person in my department retired and they chose not to replace her, so I am now flying solo and it’s a lot less fun.

31. What was your favorite film of this year?

Best A-list film:  Well, I missed a LOT of stuff (like Boyhood, Birdman, Gone Girl, Grand Budapest Hotel…) so I think the only new A-lister I caught was Monuments Men.

Best B-movie:  Marvel still dominates: Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America 2 and Amazing Spider-man 2.

32. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went to Frolicon and had a really fantastic time w/ my pack – especially enjoyed holding Hunter’s leash at his first Frolic – and I got a rubber pup hood for my birthday.  I’m 39.

33. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I will not say “immeasurably” more satisfying, but we didn’t make it to any Shakespeare in the park this year or Shakespeare Tavern or any burlesque shows or any live productions at all!  :(

34. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?

One sexy-fun, black and green latex puppy hood… and I received a bunch of nice hand-me-down shirts from my Sir.

35. What kept you sane?

 Just doing my thing as best I can and being a good puppy doggie

36. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

The Rubberman in American Horror Story

37. What political issue stirred you the most?

The midterm election.  I forget the numbers, but only a small percentage of eligible voters participated and they were overwhelmingly white and old.  I think I saw that the average voting age worked out to be like 60.  This is how we get a congress w/ only like a 10% approval ratting but a 90% reelection rate.

38. Who did you miss?

My retired coworker with whom I got along with very well and really enjoyed working with

39. Who was the best new person you got to know?

Cuddles

40. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:

How fast things can change.  Everything seems stable and moving one way, and the then ground shakes, people split-up, people move away, some new people come into your life, and off things go in some new direction…  Somehow, this year feels very: take nothing for granted.

2014 Year in Review (1)

I have used this format at the end of each year since 2004.  So, let the tradition continue.  I’m going to break it up in two posts.

40 questions about my year (Part One):

1. What did you do this year that you'd never done before?

I went to Chicago’s IML/Woof Camp.  I judged the NC Leather Contest (and was the first pup to pup-out at the Charlotte Woodshed).  I started reviewing comics for Thoughtful Mirth

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

“Sketch in my new leather, hand-made sketchbook at least once a week.” Nope!  I would resolve to try that again next year, but that’s been trumped by a resolution to do a new comic book review each week for Thoughtful Mirth which I started in September of this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Branwen, our husky/lab

5. Did anyone close to you get married?

Two of my adorable pack-mates had a really lovely hand-fasting ceremony: eclectic Celtic/Pagan/Leather-pup traditional

6. What places did you visit?

Continued to spend a fair amount of time in Atlanta and SC, did one trip to DC (by way of Monticello) w/ Owner and Poet, but the big travel adventure of 2015 was Chicago (loved the Chicago Art Institute)

7. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?

 I have a full-body rubber puppy suit already on the way!

8. What day from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day my Kitten got her pack vest at CAPEX: the confusion and surprise and joy on her face!

9. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

 I did the illustrations for a children’s’ book that was just published… and we won the Stick & Maggie Red Skull Prize at the CAPEX Halloween party

10. What was your biggest failure?

We failed to save Branwen’s life – but we did give her a very happy, loving home for seven years.

11. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Thankfully, I had a healthy year – only my dog and my Owner got sick

12. What was the best thing you bought?

For myself?  Probably my puppy hood.  Love my hood.

13. Whose behavior merited a celebration?

Everyone who helped us build the Thunder fence, but especially Daniel.

14. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Dumbass dog catchers and dickhead cops

15. Where did most of your money go?

Building the Thunder Dome and paying medical bills (human and bio-dog)  :(

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Chicago… but also Southeast Black & Blue, Atlanta Pride, and any time spent with friends, pack, and family

17. What song will always remind you of this year?

I don’t think I had a particular favorite song this year…

18. Compared to this time last year, you are:

Beta to a wonderful pair of omega pups, and “the kids” make me very happy.  *wags*

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Well, there are some home improvement things I wanted to work on, but they all got swept aside by Thunder's new fence

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Dealing w/ the police and worrying about whether they were going to kill my dog, and then taking my other dog back and forth to the vet to try and save her life.  That was stressful.

To be continued soon…