Charlotte Woodshed's Pup Mosh

The pup community continues to grow, and I enjoy meeting new puppies all around.  It’s so different from how it was 5 or 10 years ago when, for a long while, I was one of the few puppies in the region.  So much pup energy, it’s like going into newbie-sub frenzy all over again.

And if you’re like me and puppy play is also (often) a very sexy, fetishy thing, that also means being more horny than usual – which is also what happens when you’ve (like me) been locked in a chastity cage for 22 days… coming immediately after 21 days of chastity that ended last month ago when I was let out, allowed to cum, and locked right back up again.  Hunter, my young Dalmy Alpha, has me cock-caged, and it’s got puppy sex on my brain.  (I’ll write more about my time in chastity after this weekend’s Dominion party – should be a good story; stay tuned.)

So… puppies, puppies, puppies!  Friday night I was in Chattanooga, TN and managed to grab dinner w/ a couple of handsome young pups there.  One pup I played w/ last year, the single time he came down to one of our Atlanta Dominion parties.  He ended up locked in the crescent-cage w/ me and Bishop… and there was a lot of fondling, humping, licking, and all the general naughtiness that occurs when you lock three hot puppies in a cage together.  It turns out that was actually his very first public dungeon event and pup-out!

I seem to have a knack for finding hot, young puppies at their first event and then pouncing, licking, humping, and molesting them… because Sunday was the first pup mosh at the Charlotte Woodshed (gay bar) and I did it again. (I'm not a chicken-hawk, I'm a wolfhound!)

 Had a really good time there, and was super-impressed by their set-up.  They really went all out!  They hung up numerous puppy pride flags, built a large scale dog house, put down mats on the ground, had a fireplug available, lots and lots of toys, plenty of water bowls, bone-shaped pretzels, and (and this really impressed me) they printed up lots of signs and cards about how to interact w/ human puppies.  Very well planned!  The turn-out was small-ish, but not bad for their first event.  They are hoping to turn this into a quarterly event, next one in November – knock on wood – and so I hope that it grows and flourishes.  Puppies and Handlers who are w/in striking distance of Charlotte, NC, please support this event!

I also need to thank my two wonderful Handlers: Shdwkitten and Poet.  I know Kitten wasn’t totally looking forward to this: going to a gay bar, being the only girl there, not knowing anybody… it can be uncomfortable.  As soon as we arrived, however, some other pups and Handlers came over and introduced themselves.  Ma’am said that all of the event organizers, pups and Handlers were all very cool and very friendly and accepting.  Only the “tourists” (as we called them: the vanilla guys who were at the bar and were a little bewildered by what the whole puppy thing) gave Ma’am some funny looks.  Nobody was rude, but she did detect a few, “What’s a girl doing here?” looks.  However, I’m not sure if that confused them any more than the sight of the puppies chasing squeaky toys around.  I would really encourage female pups and Handlers in NC and SC to come to the next 'Shed mosh; I think you will find a welcoming, fun group.

My real hero of the weekend was Poet.  At SELF, I tore a couple of small holes in the knees of my latex suit.  Latexcatfish is inexpensive, but it also tears easily; it’s very thin latex.  Poet patched and reinforced the knees w/ some thicker latex, so I was able to wear my suit to the Shed… for a while.  While I was playing w/ an adorable, young puppy (the above pictured first timer – who was so fucking cute and had a very cool Alpha as well), Poet spotted a new tear that had opened in the crotch of my suit.  He patched and reinforced that for me yesterday (if you order Latexcatfish, be sure you know how to patch latex or know someone who does), but I had to take off my suit for the rest of the Woodshed event, and change into jeans and the rubber harness I indefinitely borrowed from Sir.  Ma’am said I still looked sufficiently hot.

So the Woodshed was fun.  I would really like to see some of the pictures taken of me for the Shed’s Facebook page, but the link to Facebook from their website takes you to a dead page.  Very frustrating.  If anybody knows how to find the Woodshed’s active Facebook page, please send me a link!

Playing w/ hot pups, Alphas, and Handlers while on Day 20 of chastity was deliciously frustrating.  Monday continued to ramp-up my sexual frustration as I found myself on FetLife involved in some heavy online flirtation w/ a beautiful rubber pup in the UK.  Woof!  Five days to go until I see Alpha at Dominion, and my mind continues to be bent around sex, rubber, puppies, leashes, tail plugs, and bones – big, juicy, milky bones!  *Growl*

The rest of you pups out there: stay sexy, stay fun, stay safe, and may your owner never play off-key.

Puppy Packs - How Does that Work?

This picks up a little bit from where my last blog post was, but it also is a reply to some mail which asked:

“My mind has been circling around forming a pack a little before, but mostly after your demo for us. What little time I have been on fet lately searching out info has been fruitless. Could you tell me a little about the formation process, vetting, initiation and such.”

Great question!  First: There is no one way.  There is no true way.  These are just my own thoughts, but ultimately it’s about what works for you and yours.  Nobody is going to kick you out of the puppy clubhouse b/c you’re “doing” your pack wrong.

So I would suggest a few things:

First, a puppy pack is different from a Victorian-style “house.”  This family structure has been mostly popular among the het BDSM community (although you’ll find overlap w/ the gay community).  In a Victorian manner house (you’ve all seen Dowton Abbey) you have your upstairs and your downstairs.  The upstairs people are the Doms and the downstairs are the subs… but w/in each grouping you also have a hierarchy in place.  So you have the Top-Dom and the next in line… You have the equivalent of the “head butler” (sometimes called the “alpha slave”) on down to the lowly scullery maid.

The second common family structure from traditional leather is the military-styled biker gang.  You know the legend:  Gay WWII vets return from the war, are mostly processed out in NYC or San Francisco, and, missing the structure and male camaraderie of the military lifestyle, they form the first gay, leather motorcycle gangs.  They were characterized by:

• Paramilitary biker uniforms, insignias, patches, and pins
• The custom of exchanging insignias/pins w/ friendly clubs
• Christening rituals (pissing on a new bike… or a new member)
• Dress leathers inspired by the military dress uniform
• Ritual formalism and lots of rules and protocols
• Exclusivity meant to keep outsiders out
• You started at the bottom (as a submissive probie) and had to earn your way up (to Master)
• Earning leather through challenging “scenes”
• Switches were second class b/c they “hadn’t made up their minds”
• Of course: no girls allowed

Puppy packs are a modern (AKA New Guard or New Leather… mostly TNG) thing that breaks from both of those dynamics in a few ways.  If you want to start by asking what does a puppy pack look like, then I’d suggest you check out the TV show Teen Wolf.  It’s one of my favorite shows, and their werewolf pack is basically a puppy pack w/ super powers.

Another source would be wikipedia’s entry on canine packs: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pack_%28canine%29

Just to highlight some of the differences between packs vs. houses and leather clubs:

• Less rigid hierarchy, more up-and-down movement
• Less clear definition of roles or positions
• More fluidity in D/s dynamics and switching
• Less protocols
• More traffic in-and-out (easier to join or leave; less vetting)
• More complex “polycules” – networks of poly relationships branching off various ways, so that A might be in a relationship w/ B and C, but B and C might not have any relationship w/ one-another.

Canine packs are structured as Alpha(s), betas and omegas.

Alphas:  In actual wolf packs you usually have only one alpha male and alpha female, but human packs could have more than one… or you could have an Alpha pup and a Handler who are different, or different pups in the pack might have different Owners/Handlers, etc.  Alpha pups are Dominants (or switches in a D-role) and often sadists (although not necessarily).  Dominance in pup packs is usually established more organically than in leather houses or clubs – perhaps w/o identifying titles (“Sir”) or insignias of rank… although these may be used and some packs might be more structured than others.  (I always refer to my Alpha as “Sir” but not all of my pack mates do so.)

Betas:  The beta pups are submissive to the Alphas but dominant (at least in some sense) over omegas.  These D/s structures are usually looser than in traditional M/s relationships.  One of the trademarks (and fun) of a puppy pack is (in my experience) the way the betas constantly spar amongst themselves for ever-fluctuating Top/bottom positioning.  This can be seen in a mosh where the betas are often playfully trying to pin or mount one-another or steal one-another’s toys.  It can also be seen in the way Alpha’s orders get followed.  Often when our Alpha gives an order we start playfully fighting over who does it.  Frequently our Sir has said, “You all work it out amongst yourselves. I don’t care, as long as it gets done.”

Omegas:  Traditionally viewed as the weakest wolves/dogs, in a human puppy pack they might be the most submissive.  They get all their toys stolen in the mosh pit and usually end up having to carry their pack mates’ bags and gear around.  Frequently they are also the new kids: younger and less experienced than the other pups.  I’ve had two omegas (aged 22 and 23, considerably younger than myself) and I liked to refer to them as “the kids” or “the children” just to tease them.  I said betas are dominant over omegas, but this might not look like a traditional D/s dynamic.  I’m not a switch and don’t have a D-mode, so my relationships w/ my omegas has been more like mentor/mentee or big brother/little brother.  My current omega has his Fet status as “protected by” me, and that’s a better description than “submissive to” b/c he’s not so much my submissive as my little brother who I’m teaching, advising, and looking out for… and fucking; there’s also fucking.

How much protocol or structure does your pack need?  How much vetting or ritual is required to become a member?  Again, your mileage will vary; do what works for you and yours.  Our pack a has a more clearly defined “inner circle” denoted by our matching patches on our vests (we took that tradition from Traditional Leather – steal what works for you), and we each wear a breed pin (wolfhound, Saint Bernard, Dalmatian, etc.) and bone-shaped name tag on our vests… but we also have a more nebulous “expansion pack” and “extended family” structure swirling around us, which has more fluidity of pups, Handlers and partners coming and going.  Those w/ the pack vest have been around and demonstrated more commitment to the pack – this happens naturally (w/o a specific process) for us b/c the vests aren’t cheap and take about 10 months to get from the time you place the order, so only the pups who have really proven themselves and been w/ us for over a year get one.

Finally, one specific question I’ve been asked is, “Can you have kittens in your puppy pack?”  (And extrapolate this to: Can you have furries?  Can you have girls?  Can you have straight people?)  Again: ultimately it’s about what works for you and yours.  Modern kinksters, by and large, are much more about ‘do it your own way’ and more accepting of diversity.  My pack covers a range of ages, genders, sexual orientations, and breeds – and includes one female were-tiger.

I’d love to hear thoughts from others about how you pack works.  Email or comment.  And may your paws never slip.

Traditional vs. Modern Leather… and Puppies

At SELF last weekend, I caught a Puppy 201 class that was one of the best discussion classes I’ve seen in years.  It was a class by Sir Justin, IPTC Trainer 2014, and the class was on pup roles… sort of.  The class was something of a bait-n-switch.  It was about pup roles, but really it had a lot to do w/ the general new guard/TNG/kinkster scene and how it differs from traditional leather… and how pups exemplify that.  It was a good discussion that offered a helpful new paradigm for understanding the community, past and present.

Sir Justin began by drawing a contrast between “traditional” leather and “modern” leather/kink.  “Traditional” is the word he proposes to replace “old guard.”  I totally agree w/ this!  “Old guard” was coined by Guy Baldwin c.1989 and recently even Baldwin has said that he regrets the term b/c it wasn’t the best choice for what he wanted to describe, and people have misused it to mean all kinds of things.  For the most part, it’s come to refer to something that never really existed – at least not like the way most people mean when they say “old guard” or, “I’m old guard.”

Not long ago, I did some research on my own (mostly using the website of the fantastic Leather Archives and Museum – check it our) and wrote a series of three posts about this topic, which I think still has gotten more hits than anything else I’ve written (over 1400). 

Leather, part 1: There was never an Old Guard

Leather, part 2 – Leather, Crisco, Poppers & Disco

Leather, part 3 – AIDS, the Internet, and the Myth of the Old Guard

So, if I could get three wishes from the Leather Jinni, one would be to do away w/ this term “old guard” and the muddy and inaccurate concept that goes w/ it.  Let’s just stop using it!  I like “traditional” so much better.  For one, something doesn’t become a tradition until after the fact, right?  “Traditional” is an inherently backward-looking term.  So “traditional” leather self-evidently isn’t something that started in the 40’s or 50’s or even the 60’s.  It’s the Baby Boomer leather culture that congealed mostly in the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s.  I also like “traditional” b/c something doesn’t have to be based in real history to be a tradition.  Hanukah is a perfectly valid tradition even though almost all archeologists and Egyptologists agree that there never was a time when all the Hebrews were enslaved in Egypt, the pyramids weren’t built by slave labor, there was never a mass slave exodus from Egypt, and Ramesses the Great didn’t drown under the Red Sea.  None of that matters in as much as Hanukah is still a perfectly good tradition that does the things rituals and religious institutions are supposed to do.  Or take Christmas.  December 25?  Nobody has any idea when Jesus of Nazareth was actually born.  So we can, likewise, talk about the tradition of awarding the master’s cap w/o having to claim that, “This is really how it was done back in the 40’s by the old guard.”  So far as I can tell, the master’s cap didn’t become a tradition until the 80’s or 90’s.

What else became a thing around that time?

Recently Master Ron K was on the KinkyCast podcast.  One of the things he talked about, which I found to be rather interesting, was that the word “slave” is not the best, healthiest word we could choose.  “Slave,” he argues, is an inherently negative, pernicious word.  By calling our submissive partner our “slave” we tack on to them all of these negative associations and it ends up sabotaging the relationship and perpetuating the stereotype that BDSM is inherently abusive and the people in it are “fifty shades of fucked up.”  The label is “a disempowering, energy sucking kind of thing” (Master Ron K), and while we continue to use it, we will continue to see Masters who abuse their partners and justify it by, ‘He agreed to be my slave,’ and submissive who continue to allow themselves to be abused.  Language influences attitude; attitude influences behavior.

This Master/slave dynamic is now traditional leather… but it’s a great example of how traditions don’t often perfectly reflect history and most traditions don’t go back as far as we think.  According to Master Ron K, this use of “Master/salve” stems from the 1980’s and early ‘90’s.  Prior to that, “master” referred primarily to a mastery of skills (recognized by the community) not a role in a relationship dynamic (i.e. “He is my master.”)  Jack Rinella wrote: “You can read [Larry Townsend’s] Handbook, for instance, all you want and you'll find only few references to slaves… You see, a person into Leather in those days was called an "S" or an "M," which stood for sadist and masochist and had little or nothing to do with dominance or submission.  Even the words top and bottom are rare in the Handbook, as they were rare in the seventies.”  I don’t think D/s or M/s was a big part of the Leather scene until after AIDS scared everyone off from raunchy, primal sex.

Okay, so that’s traditional leather and where (I think) it comes from.  Now, let’s contrast that w/ modern leather/kinksters.  Start w/ puppies.  Puppy play started in traditional leather clubs as a way to punish misbehaving boys and haze probies through public humiliation and degradation.  But modern the puppy scene is not about humiliation but fun and play; it’s more silly and has less structured D/s dynamics; it looks more like having a loving pet than a “slave”; and we have a lot of overlap w/ furries and primals – groups still sometimes shunned by traditional leather men.

In modern kink (and puppy dynamics) w have less rigidly defined roles.  I’ve frequently said that I don’t think of myself as “a submissive” in some generalized sense.  Rather, I say, “I submit” to two specific people (well, now going on three).  However, I don’t walk intoa  dungeon or leather bar w/ the expectation that I am going to “lower my eyes” to anyone but my Ma’am and Sir.

Instead of clearly defined roles of Master and slave – and you absolutely can NOT be both, right? – we have more fluidity.  I remember one switchy guest who was on the NoSafeWord Show talking about all the shit he would get from his fellow leather men by showing up at events wearing both his master’s cap and his slave collar.  Traditionalists would be all, “You can’t do that!”  But modern kinksters are much more comfortable w/ switching – and sometimes two partners may even switch off roles together (as our current joke that Hunter is my Alpha and my omega – LOL).

In place of M/s, puppies organize around a looser, more organic, pack structure of Alpha, beta, and omega.  I often confuse people coming from a traditional leather perspective b/c Cuddles is collared to me as my omega.  However, I’m not a switch, and I’m not a Dominant or a Top.  For me, beta/omega is much more of a mentor/mentee relationship, or big brother/little brother.  But I don’t generally order him around, and I don’t generally Top him…

Another trait of modern kink is that complex polycules are a lot more common.  Traditional leather was patterned on either military chains of command or Victorian manner house hierarchies.  However, what’s becoming the norm in modern kink is complicated families where A might be over B and C, but B and C are equal, and B has D, E, and F under him, but only D is also under A where E is collared to both B and F, and A is married to G, but G isn’t kinky and has little to do w/ the rest of the family, and…  I call them “complex polycules”: when your poly family structure maps like a carbon polymer molecule.  If anything, we look more like dog/wolf packs.

Let me highlight two more differences here.  In traditional leather, you started at the bottom (as a submissive probie) and had to earn your way up (to Master).  (At least, that’s the tradition, we can disregard how often that was actually the case.)  Now it’s not uncommon to have a 20-something “Master.”  Many traditionalists mock this, but it’s a legitimate sign of changing times.  Hunter is currently acting in a Dominent role to me w/in our pack structure, even though our difference in years and mileage is pretty significant.  (I started going to fetish clubs when he was in the 3rd grade, and I identified as a puppy before he hit puberty.)

Finally, traditional leather is insular and exclusive; like a biker gang, you had to earn your way in.  Modern puppies tend to be among the most open and accepting segment of our community.  Puppies just want to play get scritches, so we’re usually cool w/ all types of people regardless of gender, orientation, or whatever their particular kink is.  At least that’s been my experience.  Whenever “issues” arise about furries showing up at a mosh or female pups joining the mosh, it’s almost never the pups themselves who have the issues; it’s the Handlers and the event organizers and the leather guys coming out to watch.  The puppies are usually just, “Yea, more people to play w/ me!”  And frequently the puppies are the first ones to lend support to outsider groups like transgenders, furries, ABDLs, etc.

Puppies are kind of on the outer edge of the leather community right now.  Sir Justin made the point that we are largely modern fetishists coming into traditional spaces (leather bars, runs and title contests), and that can be a source for friction and misunderstanding.  Both sides need to have understanding for one-another, and that’s where this new paradigm seems very useful.  I know, the more I thought about it after Justin introduced it, the more it made sense to me.  Your thoughts?

Until next time, may a doggie bag always reward your wait.

 

SELF 2015: Puppies!!!!!

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Sex in Atlanta and Drinking in Savannah

 Due for an update.  I missed IML this year, but did a couple of other fun things worth mentioning.

A couple of weeks back was an Atlanta Dominion weekend.  I briefly got to see my Alpha again as he returned to Atlanta to pick up the last of his stuff.  Since he moved to DC about 6 months ago we don’t get to see as much of Sir as we’d like.  We had lunch together before Sir hit the road… and then we had a few hours to kill, which gave me some unstructured time to just hang out with Cuddles and Hunter.  We went to the mall and laughed at Cuddles riding the little kiddie toy vehicles that run on quarters, and then we saw Mad Max 4 together.

Dominion was the next day.  I had no plans, nothing scheduled on my dance card, and didn't know what to expect.  I got my gear on and before I even had it all the way on this guy led his puppy (on leash and all fours) over to meet me.  I had fun getting familiar w/ the Sir and pup... then the Sir bent down and whispered to me, "I want you to hump my boy."  Well, you never have to tell a wolfhound twice to hump something, so I was happy to comply.  I humped the pup while the pup vigorously nuzzled his Handler's crotch.  I probably could have stayed and played w/ them more, but my omega, Cuddles, had disappeared, so I left them to go check on him.  He was asleep on the wrestling mats.  (My pug loves his puppy naps.)

Soon, Hunter joined us.  We romped on the mats some... then Hunter changed gears and cuffed me to a cage.  We had a really good scene - even though I'm not big into CBT, but when you're encased in sexy rubber skin and you have a cute Dalmatian boy giving you a hand-job while force-feeding you his cock, what's to complain about?  (Thank you, Hunter.  *licks*)

This last weekend was IML and Woof Camp… but not for me.  I was sad I couldn’t make it this year, but excited to see many pics already showing up on Fet of rubber puppies at play.  It’s awesome to see the pup community growing, and to see a growing number of rubber pups here in the States.  Next year I plan on attending IML again (and maybe MAL or CLAW as well – never been to either before).

The reason I couldn’t make IML/Woof Camp was b/c this year I opted to take a vacation w/ my poly family: my lovely Owner, her very cool boyfriend and my Cuddly Pup.  The four of us enjoyed 4 nights in Savannah, GA.  It was a good time.  Very minimal vacation stress or fussiness.  We got to sample a good handful of local bars, did a walking tour of the architecture and old town squares, frolicked on the beach, climbed a lighthouse, wandered Bonaventure Cemetery, checked out two nineteenth century forts, ate a ton of shell fish at the delightfully shlocky Tybee Island Crab Shack, caught some live music, watched the big cargo ships go down the river, and wandered the Railroad Roundhouse Museum.  It was good fun.  I’m sorry I missed IML/Woof Camp, but this was worth it.

Returning home was a bit of a bum note.  We found my 19 year-old cat completely listless.  I took her to the vet and had her put to sleep.  She was old and tired and her little motor had just worn down.  That was very hard to do.  She has been w/ me for 19 years – almost my entire adult life since going away to college – and it will be very strange to come home and not have her here.  Added to that, both our bio-dogs injured themselves while we were gone.  They have been limping around, but seem to be on the mend – which is good b/c I can’t deal w/ any more serious problems w/ our animals right now.  I miss my cat like crazy…

A Thousand Islands of Kink

 Somewhere out there there’s a Ted Talk about how greater options lead to less diversity.  It is counter-intuitive, but more variety of choices actually leads to less real variety in terms of actual exposure.  The more options we give people, the less they are exposed to.

Let’s take TV and music.  When I was a much younger pup, back in ye olden days, we had three TV networks and PBS.  You watched the best of what’s on among those four choices… or you went outside to play.  Depending on the size of the city you lived in you had maybe 6 or 8 radio stations, and if you wanted music, you picked among those.

Today we have hundreds of TV channels plus Netflix and Hulu giving you stuff on-demand.  We have Pandora and Spotify with seemingly limitless music options and highly customizable.  So today you can see or hear what you want, just what you want, and when you want it.  Result?  People work themselves into smaller and smaller niches, exposing themselves to less and less of the potential variety available.

This principal applies to the kink world.  Now the community has not become much bigger – but much, more fragmented.  Charlotte, NC in particular is super-saturated right now w/ kink groups and events, but it’s not just Charlotte.  Laura Antoniou recently talked about this at her keynote speech at Leather HEAT in California (which is really worth listening to, they have the audio at http://www.leatherati.com/2015/04/laura-antoniou-keynote-address-leather-heat-2015/ ): the community has become “a thousand islands of kink.”  There are more clubs, groups, events, dungeons, contests, titles… everything… and most of the groups are increasingly specialized towards a particular, little segment of the community. 

When I joined CAPEX in 2001 or 2002, there was basically just CAPEX.  Now… I can’t even tell you how many BDSM groups, events, and munch-groups there are within an hour or two of Charlotte, and some of them have things going on every week.  Most of these groups are fly-by-night.  They come and go in the span of about a year or two… but they keep coming.  In business terms, there is a “glut on the market.”  Too many choices.

My awesome home club, CAPEX, is 15 years old.  When it started, almost by necessity, it was a “big tent” group.  Since there were so very few other BDSM groups in Charlotte or w/in an hour’s drive of Charlotte, it had to be the group that accommodated everybody:  straight, gay, bi, lesbian, femdom, male-dom, Leather, fetishist, hedonist…  Everybody came to CAPEX.  Littles and Leather daddies.  Rope fetishists and pain sluts.  Being a big tent group from the start really shaped the ethos of CAPEX, and to this day I take great pride in how it is one of the most open, welcoming, non-judgmental groups around.  As one of my (male) pack mates put it, “CAPEX is the only pansexual group where I can play w/ another guy and not have to look over my shoulder to see who is giving me dirty looks.”

I 100% agree w/ Laura Antoniou that these big tent groups still serve an important role in our community… that we are stronger when we can come together over what we have in common and over our differences.  One of the first friends I made in the lifestyle was a fantastic guy who happened to be a dipper fetishist.  Before I walked through the door at CAPEX, I admit I would have been like, “I don’t want a fucking thing to do w/ that shit.”  But being around people of different kinks and orientations, in a non-judgmental environment, not only helps one internalize “Your kink is not my kink and that’s okay,” but it helps one meet great people and form some good friendships you’d miss out on otherwise.  Through CAPEX, I attended dozens of demos and classes I didn’t have (or wouldn’t have thought I had) any interest in… and often I learned something interesting or gained some insight that I could apply in some way.  It’s kind of the equivalent of the mix tape: you know, when a friend gives you a batch of new-to-you music and says, “Here give this a try.”

Back when CAPEX was almost he only game in town, you came out to the demo each month (early on we had demos twice a month) b/c that was just what the community did and that was where we all gathered.  Now…  Each month you have like 20 different choices of what you want to go to.  Can that be entirely healthy?

The scene today is made worse (I feel) by the fact that many of the little, fly-by-night groups are started and run be people who have had little or no actual contact w/ the kink community.  Of the countless groups that have come-and-gone w/in an hour or two of Charlotte, at least a few of them I’ve heard about were started by guys (it’s usually guys) who had never been to a dungeon, nor a leather run, nor a play party, nor even a munch group.  They just hopped on FetLife and started their own super-specialized little clubhouse.

There is a problem w/ the current scene where (to paraphrase Laura) everybody has their own kinky tree house w/ a “No ____s allowed” sign out front.  Now, you never have to interact w/ people who aren’t exactly like you… and that’s a net loss for all of us. 

A related, kind of political aside:  This is also why I, personally, don’t generally support home schooling or private/parochial schools.  (I do allow for exceptions.)  Most of the time the real purpose behind it is just so that our kids can grow up w/o having to interact w/ anybody who is too terribly different from them.  This was graphically demonstrated many years ago when Atlanta held a big conference for home schoolers and they took a stadium photo of everyone there – a few thousand kids – and it was pointed out that (in Atlanta, which has a high African American population) there was only one black face in the whole crowd.  There was also an article I read recently that explained how in Florida, after years of state government subsidizing for-profit schools and de-funding public schools (they call it "school choice" - remember, more choices lead to less actual variety), the students in the for-profit schools are overwhelmingly white and middle class and, in many parts of Florida, the public schools are almost entirely poor and darker skinned.  It’s a back-door way of re-segregating.  Just some food for thought…

There’s a principal of sociology (I’m sure there’s also a Ted Talk about it) that demonstrates that diverse cultures are healthier than monocultures.  Biology, evolution, and anthropology all prefer diversity… but human psychology and socialization often reject diversity (sometime overtly, but more often unconsciously) and prefer things the same and familiar.

In this new phase of the kink “community,” I worry about the future of groups like CAPEX.  We need these groups!  We need spaces for us all to get together and rub elbows (even w/ the friction that causes).  Where we can experience that joy of discovery of something we never thought we’d like… or even just the pleasure in learning something new even if doesn’t entirely apply to ourselves.

Okay, here’s my disclaimer:  My other main club is Atlanta Dominion, a tree house w/ a “No girls allowed” sign out front.  Here’s what I’ve always said: There is a place for both things.  There is a place to have your own, little, everyone-like-us retreat, and there is an important role for open-to-all, non-judgmental, pansexual, big tent groups.  But I don’t have to worry about the former; they are proliferating like stink bugs – or Leather titles.  It’s the future of the latter that worries me…

Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to find the big tent, all-inclusive group in your area, and support it to the degree that you can.

Frolicon 2015, now w/ more Mama’s Family

Frolicon is always a big marker for me.  It falls on (at least twice) or close to both my birthday and my Owner’s (mine is the day after hers), so we always consider it our birthday party each year.  It’s the anniversary of me joining Sir Loki’s pack (4 years now, I think), and it usually brings some kind of cool milestone w/ it (got my first pup tail, got my first pup hood, first time I played w/ Loki was there, given my leather vest there…).  Last year was extra fun b/c it was Hunter’s first Frolicon.  This year was extra great b/c it was Cuddles’ first time.  And there was also a little birthday surprise for me coming from Pup Nitro…

In the past, I’ve done a rather detailed, day-by-day write-up of all our fun and shenanigans.  Search “Frolicon” in the blog and you’ll find all of those.  However, this year I think I’m just going to do the highlight reel.

I’ll start w/ the small negatives and get those out of the way.  Where there less parties this year?  In the past it seems like there were a couple of parties on every floor, but this year we found surprisingly few room parties to wander into.  (Our favorite was the Furry’s party.)  Also – Ma’am, Poet and I all agreed that there seemed to be fewer costumes this year.  Yeah, there were some, but not nearly as much cos-play going on as I usually expect at a Frolicon.

Pretty minor as far as “complaints” go, right?  That’s b/c I love this con!  Maybe I should explain, for those reading this and not knowing what the hell I’m going on about:  Frolicon is basically a kinky geek con.  Take your favorite comics/anime/fantasy/sci-fi con, throw a massive dose of kink/fetish/BDSM/leather on top of that, and then douse the whole thing w/ massive quantities of alcohol.  That’s Frolicon.  Other cons have the Mr. Super-important-leather-guy title contest… Frolicon has “Most Spankable Ass.”  That kind of sums it up right there.  It’s intelligent, open-minded, perverted people goofing around and having a shit-ton of fun.

My Owner asked me what my favorite moment was.  I told her it wasn’t a specific moment, but that it was just watching our young pups, Hunter and Cuddles, play together, tease one-another, and just goof off.  I adore those two and really have so much fun watching the relationship they are developing.  I can’t really call them my omega pups anymore.  Hunter was omega last year (/ me holding his leash most of the time), but he’s been playing a lot more as a Top lately, so “omega” doesn’t fit him… but they are still my “younglings” – my kid brothers in the pack – and I just delight in their energy and silliness.  (And a special "at-a-boy" to Hunter b/c he was Mr. Johny-on-the-Spot the whole weekend: organizing plans, keeping up w/ everyone, taking care of things and pups...  Thank you, Hunter; I was very proud of you.)

We had a threesome one morning that got so silly that, as Hunter put it, “I laughed so hard I lost my boner – three times.”  Not a bad thing.  It was during that threesome that we learned that Cuddles has an Islamaphobic penis… and that Hunter pulled the Gideon Bible out of the drawer and used to spank Cuddle’s ass while making him say “Hail Mary.”  (My comment: “This is what goes on in Git-Mo.”) Yea for goofy fun sex!

I got to play w/ Sir with Cuddles and I co-bottoming.  That was fun.  My pug marks pretty!  And I got to molest Cuddles while we were in Nigthwing and Robin costumes.  I tied him up and stuck a vibe down his pants – got quite a reaction.  ;)

The carnival was great fun!  I held-up pretty well in the "American Gladiator" game w/ the staffs.  We learned that Cuddles is light enough to stick to the Velcro wall - which was incredibly funny!  And we had some fun in the bouncy castle before Hunter had to bail out b/c he'd just drank a carbonated soda.

We had an awesome family photo-shoot w/ the staff photographers.  I can’t wait to see those pics: especially the ones w/ Ma’am and Poet in their Iron Skies uniforms holding their rubber K9 on-leash.  I think we made a pretty sexy trio.

Had some puppy mosh time w/ the younglings, and we were joined by a new pup.  We were already playing and one of our friends saw her come into the dungeon w/ her Handler, see us, and start bouncing up-and-down w/ happy excitement.  That was great!  I didn’t get to talk w/ her outside of pup-space, but I did meet a couple of other new pups.  One told me that it was seeing me and my pack at Frolicon that inspired him to explore his pup-side – and that was very cool to hear.

Next year our friend Gator has offered to organize a Pup Olympics at Frolicon – w/ some help from me and my pack.  Already looking forward to that!

I missed seeing this myself, but I have to relate a cool thing that happened to my lovely Owner, Shdwkitten.  She and her boyfriend, Poet, were standing in line for the burlesque show, and somebody came and pulled them out of the line and escorted them to reserved VIP seats in the front row.  When the first act started, the dancer came off stage, cued the spotlight to spot Ma’am, and crawled into her lap.  At the end of the show, Big Mama D did her closing number and then called Ma’am up on stage.  She whipped Ma’am on stage and then, in front of 200 people, said, “Happy birthday, Shdwkitten.”  That’s pretty, fucking awesome!

I enjoyed touching-base w/ friends I don’t see enough of outside Con.  I enjoyed spending time w/ my awesome pack and our extended family… which includes Nitro who dropped by Friday night for dinner and a little surprise for us.  When we were getting in the elevator after dinner he said, “I have something for you,” and I had no idea what it could be.  I really didn’t know what to expect.  Then, back up in the room, w/o any ceremony or unnecessary pomp Nitro pins me and then Sir into Mama’s Family.  So, now I’m “Mama’s Wolfhound,” and Sir is “Mama’s St. Bernard.”  Did not see that coming!

I’ve heard of Mama’s Family before, but didn’t know much about it.  It started about 20 years ago w/ “Mama” Reinhardt, a nationally-known leader in the leather/LGBT community based out of San Francisco.  It began mostly as a joke when she made up silly titles for her leather family (the “first ten”) and gave them little gold name pins – names like “Mama’s Baby” and “Mama’s Ho.”  Ray Tilton, member #10, explains on their website: 

“Whenever we would all be together attending an event, we would see someone working hard for their charity, or do something that "stood out” and say, "They should be Mama's _____.” It was always fun to see what names we would come up with for Mama's "next victim". Depending on how many cocktails we all had that night and who the person was; you never knew for sure which one would make Mama's final cut. Mama's parting words on those kinds of "pin naming" sessions would be "email me in the morning". Sure enough, next time we were all together and Mama saw that person, another pinning would take place. The pinning ceremony became quite an honor and usually the person didn't know they were about to be pinned. So the true looks of surprise honor and tears were a guarantee every time.”

The Saint Bernard and I didn’t shed any tears, but this was a pretty cool – and very unexpected – honor.  I don’t know what inspired this, but Nitro said something to the effect of, “Your good reputation extends well beyond Charlotte.”  *blushes*  Well… I just do what I do and try to make my Owner and Alpha proud.  The “motto” of Mama’s family is, "Do it from the heart, with manners and respect."  I think I’m cool with that.

So that’s the highlight reel.  I had a fantastic time w/ rather few complaints… and I’m already really looking forward to next year’s frolic.  Hope I see you there!