Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Frolicon 2014, part 3 of 3: All this and a banana w/ no pants



After seeing roomies Noir and Lilith off to their Saturday morning naked yoga class, Poet, Shdwkitten and I decided to start the day at the decidedly less healthy hair of the dog party.  One year I want to go to the hair of the dog party in pup gear – a dog at hair of the dog… I think it’d be cute.  But it’s so hard to justify putting on fetish gear and walking on all fours at 10am.  I’ve done it!  At the first couple of Frolicons I came to the littles brunch in pup-mode.  But this year it was on two-legs as we ventured out for mimosas, Bloody Marys, and (most important to the wolfhound) sausage balls!

Sir Loki had to DM the dungeon photo shoot party, but he mistakenly thought Hunter couldn’t attend for some reason, so he sent the Dalmatian to us.  Somehow, back in our hotel room, we ended-up talking about underwear and this led to Hunter discovering, to his great shock, that I didn’t own any jocks nor had I ever worn one.  (Proof once again that I’m much lower on the Kinsey scale than my pack-mates.)  (Although Loki is heading in my direction, b/c he was kissing a lot of girls at Frolicon.)  So Hunter gifted me my first jock – actually yet more handed-down underwear from our hyena pack-mate Bishop.  So, I put on my new jock… and then slid down Hunter’s sexy tight leather pants just enough for us to start having some fun on the bed while Ma’am and Poet showered.  Sir had figured out that we could attend the photo party if we wanted and text’ed Hunter to come on down.  Hunter paused long enough to reply: “I have Emrys’s wiener in my mouth. TTYL.” 

Okay, so… a couple of friends of Lilith and Noir’s were going to be using our room as a staging area while they were at con.  We’d never met them before.  So there’s a knock at the door.  Total strangers.  “Hi, we’re Lilith and Noir’s friends.”  So Ma’am lets them in to drop off their stuff… and she’s fresh out of the shower and wearing only a pair of panties… and there are two human-pups on the bed doing a 69…

Hi, nice to meet you!  Welcome to our room!  Make yourselves at home.  LOL.

Now that’s a Frolicon moment.

So eventually we did all end-up dressed.  Ma’am and Poet weren’t interested in getting photos done, so Hunter and I headed that way on our own.  I was actually really stoked about getting some professional pics in my new rubber hood – I got a very nice hood from wethot.co.uk for my birthday.  We arrived in the dungeon to find our Saint Bernard posing for shots in his Captain America under-armor, showing off his rippling muscles as he loves to do.  LOL.  One of the two photographers turned out to be an old con buddy of mine, Tripartite, whom I lost touch w/ after we all stopped using Livejournal three or four years ago.  As we always do, Tripartite and I enjoyed retelling the story of the first con we met at: Fantasm 2003.  Funny story.  At the time it was scary; I thought he was going to shoot me.  Like, for real.  With a gun.  Ask me, and I’ll tell you the story some time.  But now, I got him to shoot me w/ his camera, and I am sooooooooo looking forward to getting the pics.  I promise to post them as soon as I can.

We had previously made a play date to bring the puppies to the littles party, but unfortunately the littles party turned out to be at the same time as the men only party, so we were double-booked.  Hopefully next year.  (I love to play w/ littles while I’m in pup mode.  So much fun.  One of my favorite Frolicon memories was years ago when a little tried to kick at me (in pup mode) and his flip-flop came off, and I grabbed it in my mouth and ran off under a table.  LOL.

Sir had a play date or two lined-up at the men only party.  I was in pup gear still from the photo shoot, so I just sat by the Alpha’s stuff and waited for my little brother to get back.  In thee meantime a guy I didn’t know came over, got on all fours, and started barking at me.  We played together, and eventually Hunter showed-up.  The three of us played some… but it soon turned more into a snuggle pile.  Hunter had an upset tummy.  We’d gone out to an Ethiopian restaurant last night, and the exotic, spicy food wasn’t agreeing w/ our Dalmatian’s stomach (which is more used to a diet of cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets).  Hunter had tweeted that he was “Eating Ethiopian food and being all cultured and shit.”  Someone asked back what Ethiopian food was like, to which Hunter tweeted, “It’s like playing with Loki, first you’re scared but it’s actually really good, then there’s pain and your butt hurts.”  LOL.

Anyway… puppy pile.  At some point, another stranger who had been watching us came over and asked if he could join in our cuddle pile, to which Hunter responded by snuggling right up into him.  (“Puppy” is another name for “attention whore.”)  We ran into him later, and he told us how grateful he was for the experience.  He said it was cool to experience male energy that wasn’t aggressive or sexual – just cuddly.  :)

The party over, Sir decided that our Dalmatian was owed a cheeseburger, so we headed over to Ruby Tuesdays (sans rubber hood)… where we ran into Noir and Lilith… and Airlemental and Pup Thrasher… and boy River and Dale... and saw a guy wandering around in the parking lot wearing the top half a banana suit and no pants or underwear.  Weird… even for Frolicon.

After dinner I regrouped w/ Owner and Hander back up in our room.  Ma’am did another costume change.  This time it was her American Mary costume, complete with latex apron (by Poet) and prop bone saw (by me) and booze bandolier (from Loki).  We went down to the concourse to meet and greet and drink.  Met some cool folks.  Met some less cool folks.  At one point when we were all gathered about talking this woman comes over to Lilith and introduces herself as Goddess so-n-so (*rolls eyes*) and practically gives Lilith and Noir her resume about her pro-dom house or some shit.  She asks for Lilith to pose in some photos w/ her (which I’m sure she’ll put into her advertising somewhere) b/c “When I see something beautiful I’m just drawn to such beauty.”  (To which, under her breath, my unacknowledged but standing right there Owner was like, “Well, fuck you too, lady.”)  Okay, so just for those out there who might be wondering:  If you call yourself “Goddess” anything and you aren’t being ironic, that’s probably about the fastest way to signal to anyone in the lifestyle w/ any experience that you are someone not to be taken seriously.  And if you approach a group of friends/family then meet everybody first and at least attempt to show some interest in people rather than coming across immediately like: “You can be useful to me; the rest of you serve no purpose for me.”  Of course first impressions can be wrong… but, well, she didn’t make a very good one.  Okay, end of digression.

For a while I was with Ma’am and Poet… then I was w/ them and my pack-mates… then I got transferred to the pups as my people vanished into the crowed on the busy concourse.  My Owner doesn’t care for hoods (she finds them creepy), but knowing Loki doesn’t have this problem, I soon asked Sir if I could wear my hood again.  He pulled my awesome new hood on me, and Hunter and I followed him around.  I got sooooo many complements on my hood.  The Alpha decided he was ready to head upstairs to do the room parties.  We got in line for the elevator.  The next one only had room for two, so Sir ordered us to jump on – me still holding Hunter’s leash – and told us to go to 12.  We arrived at 12, but Sir, in the next elevator, made less stops and beat us up.  “Oh, thank god you’re here,” he says.  “I realized I forgot to specify that you should get off on 12, and I was afraid you just rode up and then rode back down.”  (Sir has learned that puppies often require detailed instructions.)

So, we started the Saturday night party crawl.  You start on 12 and then, taking the stairs down, wind down, floor-by-floor, visiting room parties on your way and trying out all the free alcohol.  Sir was wearing his shotgun bandolier of shots (liquor shots) and giving away drinks for booty or a kiss.  He got a lot of booty and even more kisses – from girls and boys (straight and gay – at least at Frolicon, many straight men will kiss a gay dude for free alcohol).  By the time we made it to six, we were pretty tired, and our Saint Bernard was pretty lit, so we decided to call it a night.

We stopped by my room, where we ran into Noir and Lilith and had fun chatting w/ them about protocols and D/s dynamics, finding ways to get Lilith into trouble, and Sir got permission from Noir to bite her boobs.  (Sir’s Kinsey score is continuing to drop.)

Finally (around 3am) we three pups ended up in bed together in Sir’s room and passed out…

Therefore, Sunday morning brought a sexy-hot puppy threesome w/ the wolfhound in the middle!  *wags*

Then breakfast.  My pups said goodbye and headed on back to their respective homes.  I rejoined my Owner and Handler.  We were in the parking lot when the explosion happened.  I immediately thought it sounded like a transformer blew-up.  We soon learned the power was out in the hotel.  Well, I’m glad it was Sunday and not Friday or Saturday… and at least a little later in the morning, so many of the hotel guests were already checked-out.

Ma’am said she had a great con – spent “mostly chasing boobs.”  My lovely Owner is bi, but she seemed to be focused on the ladies this year, and, from what I hear, made out like a she-bandit.  Poet also had a good time, and I hope he’ll get some costuming business from the cards he handed out and his lovely model, Shdwkitten.  He’s Poet_Gareth on Fetlife and does custom costuming and props.  I had fun showing off my new hood, taking my birthday beating, drinking and laughing w/ friends, spending time w/ my pack-mates and introducing my little brother to Frolicon, and especially the couple of opportunities the five of us had to be together as a family.

If you’re really board, you might also like:

Frolicon 2012

Frolicon 2013

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Frolicon 2014, part 2 of 3: This is for Science



I spent Thursday night w/ Sir… and that of course usually leads to frisky puppy fuck time in the morning.  After we showered, we joined Ruby and Madjester for breakfast.  Sir had a rope suspension class he wanted to do.  I carried his rope bag over for him and then I went to go check in at my room and change clothes before coming back down to get tied-up as his practice bottom.  (Hunter was sleeping in.)  My lovely Owner was up in the room w/ Lilith (her girlfriend) and Noir… and I somehow got distracted and forgot to return to Sir to get tied up in the rope class.  Oops.  Wolfhound fail.  (Fortunately, he later said he basically knew the knots anyway… so, no impeding punishment.)

So I helped Ma’am carry stuff down from our room for the 11am CAPEX-sponsored party in the dungeon.  This being the first party of the day, not a lot of people came in to play – I think there was a couple of rope scenes (one very cool suspension) and a flogging.  Sir and his wolfhound ended-up lying on the floor together.  He had his head in my lap, and I made some snarky comment (I honestly don’t remember what I said or regarding what) and Sir rolled his head over and bit me hard on my thigh.  Even after the birthday beating he’d soon be giving me, that thigh bite still hurts more than my back does now.  Big bruise!

Boy River was teaching an introduction to pup play right next door and Hunter was his demo puppy, so Sir and I stepped out of the CAPEX party to sit in on River’s class and make sure our Dalmatian didn’t run totally amok.  We only caught part of the class, but River is a great public speaker; he has a real… honest presence to him.

After the CAPEX party, Ma’am and I carried the CAPEX stuff back up to our room… and then I had to return to the dungeon to join my Alpha in the “women watch while men play” party.  This is a dicey one.  (1) A lot of gay men don’t like to play w/ a bunch of women around.  (2) Even those like Sir who don’t mind that, still feel a bit like they are putting on a show rather than having a scene.  I mean: you walk into the dungeon and for every 2 men playing there are 6 or 12 women sitting in chairs around them watching.  So… yeah, it can be awkward.

But that wasn’t actually the problem I was having.  I just got a chill as I stripped naked, and then Sir tied me on a metal grid thing for my birthday beating – cold metal.  So I was having trouble finding my headspace… and Sir sensed it because he paused to check in w/ me and ask if I wanted to stop.  I told him I could keep going… and soon I was able to get into the headspace we both needed from me.  Sir had a couple of evil new toys to beat me with: a rubber dragon tail he borrowed and a heavy rubber flogger he just bought.  In the name of science, he wanted to find out which hurt worse.

“And remember, this is for posterity.  Please, be honest.  How do you feel?”


The dragon tail (very stingy!) hurt more, but I preferred it b/c I could process that pain more easily.  The heavy rubber flogger was super “scrapey” – it would stick and grab, and it felt like it was peeling the skin right off my back.  Fortunately the Alpha pup was nice and did most of my 38 birthday beatings w/ “Thumper,” his ultra thuddy, heavy, elephant hide flogger which I love.  Did I say 38?  Yeah, I somehow honestly forgot how old I was and told Sir I was turning 38 rather than 39… so we decided that we have to re-do the birthday scene.  LOL.  Which probably would be a good idea anyway – while I was eventually able to overcome the cold and get into my headspace, Sir was not really happy w/ the scene b/c he was unable to overcome the “on stage” feeling of trying to play w/ me while a dozen women sit and watch him.

After our scene/performance, Hunter finished getting spanked by another Top, and we played around on the floor at Sir’s feet for a bit, and then Hunter was pimped-out to a new guy.  It looked like they were getting on fine, so Sir and I left Hunter to his new friend while we went up to my room and then the con suite for food.  Hunter caught up w/ us in the con suite, and we all got some needed protein in us.  Then my pack-mates and I returned to my room to grab a shower.  Three puppies in the shower!  Yea!

I went hunting for my Owner and Handler but they were not to be found, and Ma’am kept leaving her phone in the room, and for some reason I still don’t have Poet’s phone number in my phone…  I couldn’t find them, so I re-joined my pack-mates in a “cock and ball worship” class – for which our Loki was the demo cock.  (Such a dick…)  Let me just say, too, I heard a lot of good stuff about the whole class line-up this year.  I didn’t make it to many classes myself, but I heard there were a lot of new – and very good – classes: costuming, writing, kink, sex, spirituality…

After Sir was done having his cock and balls worshiped in the name of education, it was dinner time.  We wanted to do a family dinner, and Poet wanted to take us out to a nearby Ethiopian restaurant.  It was really good, and it was just quite nice to get out of the con hotel and have some time w/ my family “polecule”: Shdwkitten, Loki, Poet, and Hunter – my Owner, Alpha, Handler, and mischievous little brother.  :)

We returned to the con hotel and to our respective rooms.  Ma’am changed from her beautiful silk dress (hand made by our Poet) and into her East German police uniform (also by Poet).  Hunter soon rejoined us when Sir went off to a fund-raiser costume party.  Ma’am, Poet, the Dalmatian, and I hung out on the concourse drinking and socializing – she held the beta pup’s leash and I held the omega – until it was time for the four of us to join Sir at the SELF pajama party.  This was the lowest key party of the con: they were just laying around in PJs watching The Fifth Element, chillin.  We left my pack-mates there while Ma’am, Poet, and I went to check-out the other room parties.  It was still early (only like 10:30) so there wasn’t much going on yet.  Ma’am and Poet wanted to go back down to the concourse/smoking deck to hang out.  I flipped a mental coin and decided to re-join the puppies.  (It was cold and rainy outside… and I didn’t rally feel like waiting in an elevator line again…)

After we finish The Fifth Element (and I finished my third or fourth rum and coke) we headed to the Jock and Jill party, with me once again holding the Dalmatian’s leash.  I’m not into sports kit at all (if anything, for me it might be a turn off), but it’s one of Sir’s biggest fetishes – right up there w/ centaurs, in fact.  But we all had fun b/c, while Loki entertained himself w/ one (or more) of the jock-boys, I pounced Hunter on the wrestling mat for some sexy puppy make-out time.  However, by 2:30am, Hunter and I were exhausted… and Sir was just getting warmed up.  So we left him to go back to my room to nap.  My Owner had turned in early and taken a sleeping pill (Poet made a play date w/ a girl who wanted to feel his violet wand – euphemism? You decide.), so we happily curled-up in bed w/ the Kitten.  After napping for an hour Hunter left us to return to Loki.  Not long after, Poet came in, and I let him have the bed and curled up on the floor nearby, a tired but content beta puppy.

Thus ends Friday – really 4am Saturday – at Frolicon 2014.  More still to cum…

Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday, April 7, 2014

Thunder is Home & Safe!



Just a quick bit of backstory here:  2 weeks ago (I think the same day they took my Owner’s comatose grandmother off life support – or close to it), our big wolfy-looking dog Thunder jumped his fence.  We have a neighbor who is “terrified of” Thunder (the words of the police) based on only his appearance.  (I mean, she claims he’s growled and snarled at her; I don’t believe it; I think she’s imagining things.)  She called animal control.  The dog catcher got Thunder back in his pen but Thunder nipped him on the rear inner-thigh area (going for his nuts?).  Thunder is eight years old, and not only has never deliberately bit anyone before (we’ve all got scratches and bruises from playing w/ him – he’s a big dog) but he’s never even shown any signs of aggression towards a human.  He’s very beta and has always been people friendly…

There’s a lot more backstory in here involving dog catchers w/ PTSD triggers, me almost getting arrested for calmly asking questions, what was quite possibly an illegal home entry by police, legal grey areas, and mysterious requests for dubious DNA testing…  Seriously, this has been a strange, strange ride.

What it boiled down to was that we had 10 days to build a bigger, better fence in order to get Thunder returned to us.  (Okay, a little more backstory:  Thunder was mistreated his first 2 years and had such severe muscle damage that when he was rescued he couldn’t even run – literally.  He was on anti-inflammatories for a whole year.  When he came to live w/ us, it was always assumed that despite being so tall he would never have the muscle strength to jump even our 4’ fence.  Well… he’s made a full recovery, and he’s now pretty damn strong.)

So, we put-out a call for help w/ Operation Save Thunder, and the response was amazing!  We had a lot of wonderful people show-up Saturday and help us construct the fortification that Bishop named for us: “Thunderdome, two dogs go in, no dogs come out!”

I really want to name-check everybody here, and hope I don’t forget anyone – if I do, I’m so sorry, I still love you.

  • Deforix, thank you for designing, planning, organizing, digging 26 post-holes by yourself, and for not falling off the backside of the hot tub while drunk.
  • Thank you, Allycat_2U, for lending us tools.
  • Herguymikey, thank you for being an awesome, super-efficient concrete mixer.
  • Thank you, Pajama_Dan for being such a handy youngling and lugging a lot of heavy shit up and down a very steep hill over and over again.
  • Untamedfury, thank you ladies for pulling down old fencing and pulling out vines – such a time saver for us!
  • Thank you, Poet_Gareth for working a mean saw and giving us wood.
  • Morgan, thank you for being the hardest working old fart I know.
  • Brieana, you are our hero!  Thank you for doing the hostess thing so very well and for water-proofing your hands.
  • Stickschell, thank you, too, for being part of our invaluable support staff, standby medic, keeping us fed, hydrated, and running out for smokes.
  • Thank you, A_Failing_Recovery, for being strong, tall, and young.  Looking forward to that Chattanooga trip!
  • Thank you, _musey_, for being our lovely photo documentarian, and thank you to your strong, silent man for being there to do any and every job we threw at him.
  • Lilithnoir, thank you for being so good at nailing things – not just puppies
  • Thank you, Noir, for ordering your concubine to nail things (especially puppies)
  • And thank you to my Sir, Loki, although he couldn’t join us, for always picking up the phone and lending invaluable moral support.  I think you helped more than you realized.
 It's hard to express how emotionally difficult this experience was for us.  Shdwkitten kept saying, "If anybody says, 'It's just a dog,' I'll fucking punch them."  There is simply no way this could have happened w/o the love, support, and sweat of so many wonderful friends and family.  Our baby is home safe now b/c of all of you.  You guys rock!!!!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Boots, Blood, Ash, Puppies, and an East German Boarder Guard



CAPEX weekend highlight reel:

Friday, Sir and Hunter joined me and Ma’am and Poet and another friend at our Treehouse.  There was booze.  There was naked hot tub time.  There was sexy-fun-time for those who (unlike me) weren’t too tired out by bedtime.

Saturday morning – now there was sexy-fun-time for me.  I was pounced by the Alpha and reminded how a lycra blackout hood can help turn good sex into great sex!  Mmmmmmm… yum!

Ma’am cooked breakfast, and then we just lay about and napped.  Sir napped on the couch w/ Hunter and I cuddled-up together on the puppy pillows below him.  *wags*

Then we set off for Charlotte and CAPEX.  Girl Dale from the Atlanta Panthers did a really good class on erotic boot blacking… w/ some help from others – including PhantomBlue and Sir Loki – that was the entertaining part of the class.  The informative part was also quite good; Dale is very knowledgeable about leather history.

Dinner w/ the family was fun, and then it was off to the dungeon party.  My lovely Owner had plans to do another cutting on poet – and this time she wanted to rub cigar ash into the cuts to make them scar more.  So that meant the evening began w/ Sir and Poet smoking some cigars.  Hunter and I plopped down on the ground at their feet – which also helped b/c smoke rises and Wolfhounds HATE tobacco smoke.  But at some point, even sitting on the ground, the smell was starting to get to me, so I went inside.  I hung out w/ Stick and NCMaster for a bit… and eventually Ma’am and Poet came in and did their cutting scene.  It was impressive.  When she rubbed the ash into his wounds the blood pooled up nice and thick.  It was soooooo hot!

I found Hunter reduced to a jockstrap and putting on his puppy paws and pads, so after leading him into the play area on leash, I stripped to my underwear and pulled on my own paws and pads.  Meanwhile, Sir had tied Ma’am to one of our play stations and started to beat and flog her.  Both Hunter and I decided that we really wanted to watch this scene, so we crouched nearby.  And then Poet showed up… wearing his East German Major’s uniform.  Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my!  We crossed the floor to him and he pointed for us to sit at his feet – which we happily did.  We watched Ma’am’s scene w/ Poet occasionally petting us (wearing leather gloves – hot!).  Eventually the Kitten looked up from her scene and caught sight of Poet in uniform w/ two mostly naked puppy boys kneeling at each side of him, and she was, for a moment, very distracted from whatever it was that Sir was doing to her at that moment.

Next, Hunter and I romped for a bit while Poet topped Ma’am.  The Kitten was high from cutting him… then flying from bottoming to Loki... so then bottoming to Poet-in-uniform put her into orbit!

In addition to our scenes, there was other cool and unusual stuff as well: other floggings and some rope bondage, but also cross-dressing, and even food play w/ a pelted-with-biscuits scene (don’t ask).  I mention this b/c it underscores something Stick and I were talking about that evening (when we weren’t talking about Marvel comics and superhero movies): One of the cool things about CAPEX is the wide variety of fetishes, scenes, and play that goes on.  That’s the advantage in having a group that’s indiscriminately open to (pretty much) all comers.  There aren’t really a lot of other places I’ve played at where I’ve seen such a wide range of things going on from age play to blood to pups to cross-dressers to – well – biscuits…  It’s one of the things I do still really love about my home club.

I think after that, it was mostly hanging out… Sir got his boots blacked… and Poet got his boots blacked.  And I have to mention this b/c it was a little thing which made me very happy.  Around the boot black chair, the conversation turned to earning leathers – and someone made a wisecrack about those buy their own leathers should be called “Master Baiter b/c they do it by themselves.”  I was really pleased when Dale jumped in and corrected them: Most of the Old School gay leather men from the past bought their own leathers. Even Guy Baldwin has written about how he bought his own stuff back in the ‘60’s – including his own leather cap, which, he pointed out, wasn’t ever even called a “Master’s cap” back then.  Myth (as Dale said) busted!  I’m perfectly fine for those who want earn their leather from someone else – but I’m not okay w/ looking down on those who buy their own leather gear as being inauthentic or inferior or not “twue.”  Nonsense!

After the CAPEX party came the – well – after party, and the fun continued.  At one point I was in bed w/ Hunter on one side and Red on the other (my life… does not suck) while my Owner primal-kitten-pounced on Dale on the floor.  Finally, the cigarette smoke was too much for me and I had to retreat to our hotel room and went to bed… where I happily snuggled up w/ my two awesome pack-mates for the night.  *wags*

So there’s the highlight reel.  Hope you enjoyed reading about just a smidge as much as I enjoyed living it.  Go well.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Going to IML... and still Thinking about Leather Titles



Chicago!  Chicago!  I bought plane tickets.  The flight is booked.  There’s no turning back.  I’ll be joining Loki and Nitro at International Mr. Leather (IML) in Chicago in a couple of months.  I’m really stoked.  The biggest thing I’m stoked about is, of course, the big Woof Camp mosh.  Last year it was over 110 pups and 60 Handlers.  Wow…  I can not wait.  In truth, I’m really going to Woof Camp, and IML is secondary to that.

Of course, beyond the mosh, I’m also looking forward to meeting new people and pups and (I hope) making new friends, but I’m not so much interested in the actual IML title contest.  In fact, I won’t be surprised if Sir and I skip the contest proceedings.  Generally, I don’t have any real interest in these leather title things.  I’ve been to SELF three or four times, but we always skip the contest show.  I’ve written before about my outlook on these title contests – which is why if you looked at the 2014 NCLC judges you may have been surprised to see who was there.  (Well, I told them, “If you’ve got the balls to ask me, I’m not going to say no.”  LOL.  But seriously, I’d like to see more puppies judging leather contests... and I'm about to explain why...)

A few weeks ago, I was in a conversation about title contests w/ some friends, and one of them characterized my position as thinking the contests were “stupid.”  That’s not exactly right.  I think if I were going to use a single word it might be “pretentious.”  Or maybe “misleading” would be even better.  Many people seem to take these titles so seriously and seem to think that those who hold them represent our community leadership.  Sooooo not true.  Who, seriously, would use an event structured on a beauty pageant to choose their leadership?  As one friend of mine often said, he never wanted to run for a title b/c he could get a lot more done w/o one.  The leaders (those getting things done) are usually not the titleholders (there are, of course, exceptions) any more than Ms. North Carolina is the Governor.  (Although in our case, she'd probably do a better job.)

As I understand it, these things began originally as the leather bar equivalent of a drag show – meant for entertainment – and they served the purpose of selecting the centerfolds for Drummer Magazine.  At beast, you get an entertaining show and a pretty face to go out and be a community ambassador – a la Ms. America.

On that level, I don’t think they are “stupid.”  But it’s just an entertainment on basically the same level of a burlesque show or a beauty pageant… or a dog show!  I have even come to really like the idea of the puppy titles.  (Not saying I’d ever run for one… but I won’t say “never.”  Just: “very unlikely.”)  But basically, w/ the pup titles, we’re talking about a dog show – w/ human dogs!  How cool is that, right?  And being pups, naturally we’re going to keep it silly and fun – as it should be.

Or we’re not.

And here’s the damn problem.  When the two “competing” International Puppy titles started up a couple f years back, it (apparently) turned into this big, stupid battle.  Now, fortunately, I believe the battle was actually only ever among a very small group of pups and Handlers (mostly those involved in the production of the two events, I suspect), and the bulk of our community didn’t care.  I like to say: We pups are so cool that one international titleholder isn’t enough for us.  LOL.  But the fact that some people were responding to this “split in the pup community” as if it were anything remotely worth taking seriously just shows how divisive and corrupting these tiles have the potential to become once anyone starts to regard them as anything more serious than they really are.

Here’s my analogy: the difference between a good contest and a bad one is the difference between America’s Next Top Model and Ru Paul’s Drag Race.  Okay, so I haven’t seen either show – ever – but from what I understand, America’s Next Top Model plays it straight (no pun intended) and takes itself all serious (which is absurd) where everything on Ru Paul’s Drag Race is (as it should be) tongue-in-cheek and done w/ a wink and quotation marks.

That’s why I want to see more puppies on the judges’ panels.  And furries.  (But of course, furries ruin everything…)  I know a lot of the oh-so-serious, stick-up-their-butt, high-and-mighty Leather w/ a capitol-L folk look down on us (puppies and furries… and age players and drag queens), but I think they often need us for a reality check – to remind them that this thing we do, we do for FUN.  And, frankly, sex – especially kinky sex – is always silly and fun and goofy when you think about it.  It’s about inclusiveness, but it’s also about keeping it real, and grounded, and reminding us all not to take ourselves too seriously.  (And sometimes the best sound you’ll hear in the dungeon isn’t an orgasmic moan but a loving, silly pup’s squeaky toy.)

Do we need these titles? I don’t know that we need them, but maybe as an excuse to get us all together at a big convention it doesn’t hurt… and I am really, really excited about IML/Woof Camp.  I guess my thing is that I just see the titles contest as an excuse for the gathering and not the reason.  Your thoughts?