Headspace: Puppy, S/m, and Sex

I think one of the ways that I am a little different from other pups (or maybe not – I don’t know) is that my headspace for puppy play, S/m, and sex are all very closely conjoined.  It seems like that isn’t true for other pups I know.  I think it comes from being what Sir calls an "innate pup."

I’m a pain slut.  I like getting ruffed-up.  I love to be bit and scratched.  I like being punched too.  And having my hair pulled.  Now, anybody who has been in the dungeon w/ me when I’m getting my ass beat knows (because I can be a bit loud) that I tend to bark and growl a lot while I’m bottoming.  Part of it is my way of processing pain… and also my way of feeding energy back to my Top.  My Owner hates stoic bottoms.  If she’s beating, bighting, scratching, or cutting somebody and they are just sitting there like a slab of meat, she’ll get board and stop the scene.  I am not a stoic bottom.  When I get hit or bit or cut, I make noise.  The Tops who like to play w/ me and whom I like to play with feed off this energy I’m throwing off.  We like it loud and sweaty and primal. 

That’s why I like my S/m to be more about primal energy that technique.  I’ve played w/ many Tops w/ outstanding technical skill… but I prefer it to be a bit more raw and hands on.  Some toys are cool (I like thuddy toys best) and some bondage is okay (I’m not a huge bondage fetishist, but some is cool – I generally like blindfolds, hoods, and gags)… but if you want to get me going, use your body.  Use your teeth, your fists, your nails…  Growl in my ear.  Beat me, bight me, lick me, scratch me, kiss me, edge me, beat me some more, edge me some more – repeat as necessary.

I growl and bark to process pain and send off energy, but I also do it b/c when I’m in a good S/m scene I tend to get into a non-verbal headspace.  It’s very primal for me.  That’s why I growl and yelp and bark.  I can ride the pain and channel the energy to let the inner animal out… which is also a very spiritual thing for me.  I’m very much into the whole shamanic, animal-spirit thing.  I love to feel the canine inside come forward and take over and the human monkey-mind recedes for a while.  (S/m for me is sooooo far away from the whole, idiotic myth of masochist feel guilt and some weird inner need for punishment.  My head trip is nothing like that.  It’s… empowering.)

What kind of scene do I love?

One of my favorite things to do is to do a heavy S/m scene and then drop straight into pup-mode.  I know this is odd for most other pups who find the two headspaces to be very different.  But when I’ve had a good beating, I am really halfway into pup-space already.  I love if when my Top takes me down from the cross after beating the shit out of me and then pets me, licks me, nips me, scritches me, says “good boy”… helps me into my paws and knee pads… hooks on my leash, lets me have some water out of a dog bowl… and then just keeps me there in pup mode for an hour or so.  I love that!  I can usually drop into a really good pup-space after a good beating.  Let me pup-out for a while… and maybe even let the puppy show his affection and gratitude w/ some yummy, licky, growly, puppy sex.

Ah, yes.  Sex.

I know a lot of pups and Handlers don’t mix sex w/ their puppy play.  I also know some sadomasochists who don’t mix sex w/ their S/m.  For me, these things are all inter-connected.  I like primal sex.  Even if I’m not in pup-mode, I tend to growl, and lick, and nip, and scratch, and drool, and bark, and yelp.  In my head, good sex has much the same impact as good S/m – it shuts out the human monkey-mind and lets the inner animal come out.  I like sex that’s very primal and aggressive.  I like to feel taken.  I like to feel like I’m being taken by a force of nature.  I love that, I don’t know if it’s going to eat me or fuck me, but I have a hard on, so right now I don’t care which. 

An important part of sex for me is to know that I am totally in my partner’s power.  That’s so key.  Just vanilla intercourse has a frankly limited appeal for me.  I really want to be… well, I guess the word is dominated.  Whether that comes in a violent, primal pouncing or in the more traditional form of orders and bondage and humiliation – either way I love being controlled by someone else I trust and surrender to.  Sometimes Ma’am lets her were-tiger out, and she violently devours me.  I love that!  Other times, it’s just her telling me what to do and making me perform for her – like a trained dog.  I like that too.  It makes my tail wag.  :)

So, Option One:  Take me down from the cross after a rough beating and some edging, drop me in puppy mode, leash me, treat me as your pet… and maybe let your pet show his affection w/ some yummy, licky puppy sex.

Option Two: Take me down from the cross after a rough beating and some edging… get on the floor w/ me and go primal.  Bight, snarl, pounce, and violently fuck me like a pair of wild animals let loose in the dungeon.  Different scene.  Also lots of fun.

Now, mind you, I also can just do S/m, and I can just do pup play, and I can just do sex, and I can have loads of fun w/ any one of those activities.  I’m just making the point that for me, unlike other pups I know, all three of these headspaces are easily mixed and mingled in my twisted head.