Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Sexual Disorientation

Most people, I surmise, have discrete boxes in their head.  For most people you’re either in the “straight” box, or the “gay” box, and if you’re not in one of those then you’re bi.

Certainly I’ve not thought of myself as straight in an awful long time.  You’d almost have to go back to college days in Knoxville.  My best-friend/roommate was gay (still is, in fact – gay, not my roommate) and I used to hang w/ some of his friends and occasionally go out to the gay bars w/ him… and at that time “straight but not narrow” was definitely the accurate label for me.  But back then I didn’t even have a concept of my own kinky sexuality.  I mean, I was always turned-on by whips, chains, leather, and latex… but it was all just fantasy stuff then – I had no idea there was a safe, sane, healthy way to pursue all of that.  Once I did get into the BDSM scene, I soon dropped the label “straight.”

Anyway, back to the 3-box approach.  Some folks will say:  Look, if you have sex only w/ people of the opposite gender then you’re straight; if you have sex only with those of the same gender then you’re gay; and if you have sex with both, then you’re bi.  That’s a pretty sound approach, and I can’t argue with that.  From that standpoint I have no issue with being labeled bi.

On the other hand, there’s another way to look at it, which is who you’re physically attracted to, and that’s slightly different than who you have or haven’t danced the hokie-pokie with.  I recall a really interesting study that was done in which scientists showed subjects pictures of men and women while a special camera recorded their eye movement.  When you see someone you find attractive, you’ve iris automatically dilates some.  One fascinating aspect of this is that this reaction is automatic and unconscious.  That means, even if you were super repressed and deep in the closet even to yourself, that this test would still find you out.  (It also, by the way, offers yet more scientific evidence that sexual orientation isn’t a lifestyle choice but something programmed in our biology.)

As I explained once before in a previous post, I’m not, as a rule, attracted to other guys.  I’ve been hanging out w/ gay people for my whole adult life and one thing I’ve noticed is that gay men are always checking out other men.  This isn’t at all surprising; straight men are always checking out girls.  This I also know from first hand experience.  A pretty girl goes by and, sure, I turn my head to watch.  (Of course, if a motorcycle goes past, I turn my head and bark at it… and if a pretty girl on a motorcycle goes by, I bounce up and down and vibrate fiercely.)  Meanwhile, my Owner, who is definitely bisexual in this sense, is quite equally attracted to men and women.  If a pretty boy or girl walks by, her head turns.  (Though usually Shdwkitten is the one turning heads.)  For her, gender doesn’t seem to make a difference regarding physical attraction.  But for me, I would expect, on the afore-mentioned iris-dilation test, my eyes would not react to very many pictures of men… unless they tapped in to some fetish of mine, which changes the whole game.  In terms of physical attraction at least, I’m “mostly straight.”  Guys – good-looking or otherwise – just don’t really get my attention that way.

So what about “hetroflexible?”  Well… I have issues w/ that word.  It bugs me.  It’s just the sound of it.  I’ve always said that it sounds like the yuppie version of “bisexual.”  Like I’m supposed to be wearing a collared polo shirt and slacks, aviator glasses, cut my hair, and be upwardly mobile.  “Look at me; I’m not bi; I’m heteroflexible.”  :P

My Fet profile somewhat begrudgingly says “hetroflexible” mostly b/c I think that will probably be the more accurate-ish descriptor for the primary clientele of Fet.  On the other hand, I was on PupZone long before Fet, and my PupZone account has always said, “bisexual” – but of course most of the guys on PupZone are gay; it’s a different crowed w/ different definitions.

Now, some people get really bent out of shape if you don’t classify them by their chosen label, but that’s certainly not me.  Words mean what we use them to mean.  There is never a “What does X really mean?” only “What do we mean by saying X when we use it?”  That’s one reason why I really don’t care what you call me; just don’t call me late to dinner.

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