BDSM, The Musical! (Fifty Shades of Parody)

So a couple of nights ago I had a bit of a random dream (which is actually quite normal for me).  In said dream, Shdwkitten and I were watching a new Muppet movie – a Muppet version of The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Kermit was playing Jack, Piggy was Sally, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew was the Dr. Strangelove guy…  The oddest bit of casting, however, was that the Grim Reaper (not a character that appears in the original) was played by Fozzy Bear.  Weird, I know!  I mean, you’d expect Gonzo, right?  But seeing Fozzy Bear as the embodiment of Death was very hysterically funny!

Also very hysterically funny was Spank, The Fifty Shades Parody.  Like my Muppet dream it’s also a mash-up (w/ spoofs on Batman, Twilight, Interview w/ the Vampire, Willy Wonka… and a lot of digs at “that thing we do.”).  Unlike the Muppet’s Nightmare Before Christmas, you can actually see Spank b/c neither I nor my dazed and confused subconscious made it up.  It’s a real play that my beautiful Owner took her hound to see for our Valentines’ Day Weekend.  :)

It’s a fantastic three-character comedy w/ bits of improv and audience interaction mixed in w/ some great musical numbers.  The entry-character is a 40-sonething, bored, sex-starved housewife writer wanna-be who sets out to write her sex-fantasy novel while her husband is away searching for the kids who have gotten lost at Disneyworld.  While she writes, two other actors act-out her fantasy… occasionally adding their own commentary as well.  Lacking in any form of creativity (much like my subconscious apparently) all she can do is import scenes and characters from other things she’s read… and when she gets stuck, she falls back on her own fan fiction and drops a borrowed sex scene in the middle of the “novel” (w/ predictably hilarious results).  The play had me from the very first line:  “I am such a good writer!”

My other favorite dialogue came during Tasha’s first encounter w/ Hugh.

Tasha: Are you gay?

Hugh:  In a way, no.

That right there killed me, but he went on…

Hugh:  I’m gay for power. I’m gay for money.  I’m gay for control.  I’m gay for Anderson Cooper, but who isn’t.

The greatest bit in the play would have to be the Willy Wonka parody.  Gene Wilder, of course; not Johnny Depp.  (Han shot first, and Gene Wilder is Willy Wonka!)  If I can ever find that song on the internet it MUST go into the CAPEX dungeon playlist.  Of course it will probably stop every scene w/ people laughing too hard to swing the flogger… but I’m always a fan of laughter in the dungeon.  I laughed so hard at this song that I damn near fell out of my chair.  After we left, cliché as it might sound, Kitten twice exclaimed, “My face hurts from laughing so much.”

Shdwkitten herself provided one of the funniest moments.  There are a couple of audience interaction moments when the actors come off the stage to improvise w/ us.  It bears mentioning here that, if you go see this play – and you should – you will find that the women in the audience outnumber the men 10 to 1.  No kidding.  Which is perfect b/c this is the “mommy porn” crowed.  Most of them are in their 40s or 50s (or as the play calls them, their “horny forties and flirty fifties”) and have snuck away to see Spank while their husbands are left to do something uninteresting… like hunt for their lost children at Disneyworld.  Now, I haven’t mentioned yet that we were sitting third-row center – perfect seats – w/ me proudly wearing my collar locked around my neck.  During one of these improves, Tasha comes to the audience seeking advice about fisting.  From our front-n-center location, my Owner shouts out, “Before you start, remind him to take off his watch!”  The actress just about lost it.  She hadn’t heard that one before.  After a moment of laughing, she comes back w/ “Wow, that’s really deep!”

It was even funnier for Ma’am and I b/c there’s this whole story behind her suggestion.  If you ever run-across one of the members of the old Charlotte interrogation play group, ask them to tell you the story about my cellmate’s lost watch.  You’ll either laugh your ass off… or be utterly horrified, I don’t know.

Incidentally, just in case you’re wondering what else I’ve been dreaming about, last night I had a dream that started w/ Lando Molari walking around on Babylon 5… and then he walked onto the set of The West Wing were Vir was playing handball w/ Toby (no, that’s not a euphemism).  I’ve long been convinced that Freudian/Jungian dream analysis doesn’t work – at least not w/ me – b/c my dreams just always seem to be nothing more than my mind running on random access.  (Unless… maybe “handball” was a euphemism!)  I have this whole theory about the subconscious and creativity and the arts… but I’m not going into that now b/c I’d rather write about Ikea.

After the play and before Ikea came pizza.  My Owner has NO direction sense.  So, I didn't realize that she wanted to got o Brixx Pizza, which is right around the corner from the theater.  So we walk to our car, get in, she programs the destination into the GPS, we drive around the block... and then return to our exact same parking space.  That was a classic Shdwkitten moment!  After pizza and cider, Kitten took her puppy to Ikea to do a little shopping… which works great for me as a romantic date-night thing b/c I love Ikea.  (Have I mentioned that I’m part Swedish?)  I have this theory that if you are really good, then after you die, you go to Ikea to live out eternity.  I think… maybe I’ll even write a play about it.  It’ll be inspired by Sartre w/ a dash of Becket, and involve three characters sitting in an Ikea showroom… waiting… waiting… waiting…

But anyway, here's the importnt part:

Happy Valentine's Day, Ma'am!  Ry Ruff Ruuuuuu!!!