International Mr. Leather, 2014 – Part 4, Woof Camp!!!!

First, a public health message:  One of the pups from Woof Camp just got diagnosed w/ mono, so if any of you pups are feeling icky in the next few days, ask your Handler to make you an appointment w/ the vet.

Okay, so Sunday afternoon I returned to the IML hotel after a day at the Art Institute and Millennium Park.  I was in a really wonderful mood from the amazing art, the sunshine, music in the park, and Sir let me cum this morning (after over three weeks of holding it in).  I had a spring in my step and a wag in my tail… and I was totally stoked about Woof Camp!  I can take or leave the title contest.  The market was impressive, but I’m broke.  No, other than spending time w/ my Alpha, the primary reason I was there was for the nation’s largest mosh – as Pug called it: “Puppy Mecca.”

Sir Loki was in a pretty good mood, himself, when I rejoined him.  He had managed to arrange a play date, bottomed, and got into pup-space, a rarity for my Alpha.  I was super happy for him.

The present plan was for me to use our second bookblack ticket to get my dress leather pants worked on.  The knees are all scraped up.  (How ever could that have happened?)  Unfortunately, by the time we got downstairs, all the bootblacks had closed shop and left for the IML contest.  We tried to hang out in the lobby some, but it was noisy and crowded, so we decided to go on up to the Woof Camp ballroom and see if we could help w/ set-up.  There were actually quite a few pups and handlers there, so there wasn’t a lot for us to do, just lend a paw here or there.

Before the big mosh, they were offering puppy yoga for those who wanted to limber up – w/ a certified yoga puppy.  I enjoyed doing that.  Then it was time for Woof Camp.  I think there were just two pups there who I already knew: Rex and Hercules.  I did get introduced to a few others whom I have head/read on the internet (Leatherati or NoSafeWord) like Brue, Pug, Knuckpup and his pup Striker, and the International Pup & Trainer title holders Rylee and Daddy Rose… All the stars were out.  :)

When I first entered the mosh there were about 15 or 20 pups, mostly in a big circle passing a ball around.  It seemed a very odd game to me.  Why would I want to pass the toy?  All the toys are mine.  So when the ball came to me, I pounced on it and covered it.  Instantly, the pups imploded around me, pounced me, and took the ball away.  It was great!  *wags*

Fantastic as the big mosh was, I find myself struggling to describe it.  It’s impossible for me to give a detailed account of the mosh – memories are all fragmented impressions.  My puppy headspace wasn’t really the deep, non-verbal place I often go (that can sometimes be hard to get into in a public mosh) – however, I think I was still maybe deeper than many of the other pups… but even w/o a deep pup-space mind, there was a wild, frenetic energy buzzing in the room that I was definitely intoxicated with.

There were a few games and gags planned.  A visit from the dog catcher… zombie mailmen (I guess b/c the pups killed the mailmen last year?)… a human-kitty… and, finally, Cruella DeVill.  Oh, and piñatas full of squeaky toys.  I wasn’t really into these gags.  They didn’t bother me or particularly mess w/ my headspace… I just was much more interested in the puppies.

There was a wide variety of pups.  Some pups are fun and silly.  Some are cute and cuddly.  Some are just fucking hot.  I enjoyed being silly w/ some of the silly puppies.  Nuzzling w/ some of the cuties.  Wrestling w/ a few of the more aggressive pups.  And, well, as for the really fucking hot ones…

I was particularly drawn to a pup in Deadpool zenti and Blackstyle hood.  Maybe it was associations w/ the comicbook character, but he just seemed to have a fun, reckless, and sexy energy about him… and a cute butt.  I would later learn that this was Whiteout.  At various times during the mosh we found one another – often taking turns pouncing one-another, sometimes nuzzling, sometimes playing w/ toys, and sometimes sniffing, rubbing, and – yes, of course – humping. 

I really enjoyed pouncing and pinning him.  And (as you can see above) I enjoyed it sometimes being me on the bottom.  :)  Sir recently said that he thinks he can only bottom to another Alpha-switch (like his brother Nitro) b/c he really gets off on the way the Top role gets taken back-and-forth during the play and foreplay.  I’m not a switch, but as a beta pup I definitely see what he means.  I was just recently telling my pack-mate Gwynn:  One thing I like about the puppy pack dynamic is that it is very organic and not artificial.  It's not a Leather House where you earn your way up by longevity (e.g. ‘I was here first so I outrank you’) or something, nor does Loki try to impose an artificial ranking; he's always like, ‘you pups figure it out.’  Hunter and I have evolved toward this beta/omega dynamic naturally.  I didn't expect it of him, but he just started fetching my drinks and carrying my gear, and then I found myself holding his leash – and found that I really enjoy holding his leash.  And still sometimes I can sense where he's feeling a bit Toppy (for Hunter), and I roll with it and enjoy him biting me or pinning me.  

For me, as a beta, meeting new pups, moshing, and playing, involves a lot of that testing one-another to see who’s going to be on top.  And I love that part!  And, you also find some natural omega pups (like Rex) where you just look at them cross and they give you their belly.  LOL.  While on the other side there are the Alphas – who are fun for a masochist like me to poke when I’m looking to get tore-up.  But in-between you have all the betas pouncing and flipping Top/bottom…  So much fun!

So… I think it was about midway through the mosh when a friend of Whiteout’s joined us: a sexy pup in a shiny rubber bodysuit and Wethot hood like mine (but w/ silver accents instead of my green) and gorgeous Asian eyes shinning through the hood.  Woof!  This I would later learn was RubberTFAD.  We were also joined by another pup (in blue w/ another Blackstyle hood) who appeared to be w/ RubberTFAD, and who would later be introduced to me as C. (no scene name, so I’ll just use an initial).

As the mosh started to wind-down, I spent much of the latter part snuggling and nuzzling w/ these three puppies.  At some point I ended up laying on my back w/ my head in Whitehout’s lap w/ him playing w/ my nipples (my nips are hardwired to my cock – touch them and I get hard instantly!) while RubberTFAD rubbed my crotch.  It was simply heavenly.  MMMMmmmmmmm…  *drools*

By that point in the mosh we were all pretty, freaking worn-out.  I’d been on all fours romping non-stop the whole time: 3 hours!  It was a serious workout!  I was dripping sweat by the time Sir peeled my hood off.  My wonderful Saint Bernard did a fine job the whole mosh, bringing me water and keeping me hydrated.  I think Sir was just happy that there were plenty of other Handlers there – apparently at the CLAW mosh there were a dozen or more pups and only Sir and one other Handler to watch them all.  Yikes!

After the mosh, the plan was to do some pictures.  Unfortunately the professional photographer was gone so we couldn’t get him to shoot me and Sir.  However, we did get a photo of us w/ Knuckpup’s family: Pup Striker, Knucksub, and the new pup.

As we were cleaning up the ballroom, Sir found a puppy to molest in a corner.  I think I saw some biting and kissing and sucking and choke holds…  Yay!  Meanwhile, I kept circling back around to my three new friends – just hugging, petting, and chatting.  They were all three so hot, I wanted to hang w/ them some more… but I also knew I had to catch an early flight tomorrow morning, and I was already about to fall-down exhausted.  Still… I was sorely tempted to invite Whiteout back to our hotel room.  He was so cute!  This is really unusual for me, b/c the truth is I’m so not very promiscuous.  I just don’t really do random hook-ups or one-night-stands… even though my Owner gives me permission to do so.  It’s just more in my nature to stick to my family/pack when it comes to sex: Ma’am, Sir, Lilith, Hunter… But, ye gods, Whiteout had such a sexy-fun puppy energy, I was really tempted to go for it.

But I hesitated (while Sir molested the pup he had drug into the corner), and at some point the boys all drifted off.  Aw, well…  Maybe I’ll see them again next year...

Nitro showed-up, and he and Sir wanted to head downstairs for a cigar.  Sir blessedly gave his wolfhound permission to skip the nasty, smelly cigar smoking, and sent me upstairs to bed.  I remember Sir came in later… but then he got invited to a private puppy party.  I wanted to join him (a 2-room suite full of young pups – yum!), but I still had that damn early flight, so Sir went to go play w/ the puppies and I went to sleep.  Grump, grump.

What did Woof Camp mean to me?  I first started pup play 10 years ago, and have identified as a pup for almost as long.  However, for almost all of that time I was just about the only pup I knew of in the Carolinas.  It was so rare.  (And even today, I’m the only pup the Charlotte Woodshed has seen.)  Being allowed to join Loki’s pack and to have him as my Alpha has meant so much to me!  It was my first sustained contact w/ other pups.  My kin and kind!  And, starting just a few years ago, the pup community in Atlanta has fucking exploded.  This has allowed me to finally (after 7 or 8 years of being the lone oddball w/ that weird puppy-thing fetish) be w/ other pups and let my own inner pup really come forth.  It’s been so wonderful!  (And again, I can not thank Loki enough – nor thank my Owner enough for sharing me w/ Sir.  I have the best Dominants ever!)

7 or 8 years of being almost alone in this fetish.  Then a member of a pack and being welcomed into the greater Atlanta pup community.  And now Woof Camp, where I got to mosh w/ dozens of my fellow pups.  What does Woof Camp mean to me?  A sort of homecoming.  Puppy Mecca, indeed.  Thank you, Brue, for doing this.  Good boy!!!

And so ends my first IML.  There was a lot of time spent on-leash and at Sir’s feet.  I got to show-off my puppy hood (but didn’t get to wear my tail at all, unfortunately).  I got to spend time w/ Sir and Nitro, and ate some great food.  I met several cool people (although mostly only briefly).  There was amazing werewolf sex!  There was the best collection of art I’ve seen outside of DC and Berlin.  And topping it all off was the biggest mosh I’ve ever been in.  I hope I’ll be able to go again next year…

International Mr. Leather, 2014 – Part 3, Art and the Park

 Sunday morning a very horny wolfhound woke up snuggled-up w/ his Saint Bernard.  Three weeks and change in chastity topped-off w/ a night of being beaten and fucked out of my mind (seriously… out of my mind - woof!) was finally rewarded when Sir gave me a hand-job and allowed me to shoot for him.  OOOOhhhhhhhhhh…  *sigh*

Shower and dress, and Nitro, Sir, and I then went out for breakfast at this posh bunch café.  I had maybe the best banana Foster’s French toast a la mode ever.

Sir had lined-up a play date w/ Dreadfire (I think?)… which was cool w/ me b/c, having never been in Chicago before, I really, really wanted to get out of the hotel and do some sight seeing.  So Sir cut his wolfhound loose for the day.  IML’s hotel was easy walking distance of Millennium Park and the Art Institute (as seen in Farris Bueller’s Day Off).  I walked over the river and walked through the park to the museum.  A few observations about Chicago traffic:  There are a lot of very brave bicyclists in Chicago.  I wouldn’t even like to drive a car in that mess, and there crazy bicyclists weaving though traffic all over.  Large balls or small brains?  Also, Chicago drivers really believe in horns but not turn signals.  In the South, even in big cities, you rarely hear a horn blow, and when you do it’s usually reluctantly and for an appropriate reason (i.e. to warn somebody who doesn’t see you and is merging into your lane).  In Chicago, they blow their horns all the damn time, and often for no apparent reason.  Traffic stops at a red light; somebody blows their horn.  Traffic pauses for pedestrians at a crosswalk w/ a walk light; somebody blows their horn.  It’s nuts!  And I never saw anybody use a turn signal. Is that just a Southern thing?  We kind of like to warn people when we are turning or changing lanes.

So… the Art Institute is just fucking amazing!  Its collection is fantastic.  This alone was worth the cost of airfare.  I saw so many wonderful things, and a few times I just about literally had my breath taken away.  I really mean that – there were a few pieces I saw that just staggered me.  One was a De Chircho that blew my damn mind.  So amazing!

I was also blown away by one of their Van Goghs.  All four Van Goghs were great, but this one took my breath away.  The toothpaste-thick impasto!  The vibrant colors!  It just... lives!

Of course I saw the obligatory Nighthawks, American Gothic, and Sunday Afternoon…

… and so much more!  The Indian collection is wonderful!  The Picassos were great (the Old Guitarist!).  Monets.  The whole Impressionism collection is fantastic!  And a great collection of surrealism.  Three by Paul Klee.  Cezanne.  Elizabeth Murray.  John Singer Sargent.  The Chagall windows!  It was a truly amazing experience.  What a treasure house of wonders!

As I came out of the museum – high as a kite – I was delighted to find a free symphony playing in the park amphitheater, so I paused for 10 or 15 minutes to lie in the sun and enjoy the music.  The amphitheater itself is awesome.  There’s a spider web of rigging overhead w/o any support poles blocking the view.  Very neat engineering.

I spent some time in the park, walking around w/ my shirt off, trying to get some sun on this pale Scottish-Swedish skin of mine.  I enjoyed a Chicago style hotdog and a shirtless beer in the park.  One more landmark worth noting is this cool fountain they have where the surfaces are giant video screens w/ moving faces on them.  Neat stuff.

It was a fantastic outing, and I was walking on sunshine as I headed back to the hotel to get ready for – drum roll – Woof Camp!!!!!!

To be concluded… tomorrow.

International Mr. Leather, 2014 – Part 2, Saturday

 Day two at my first ever (hopefully not my last) IML:  I woke up curled up on the floor where my Alpha sent me to bed, frustrated, Friday night.  He let me suck him off and edged me before sending me (still w/ my leash on) down to the floor to go to sleep like a good puppy dog.  *drools*  This meant for a restless, horny night.  Mind you, I also hadn’t been allowed to cum in over three weeks.  I woke up on the floor, literally curled up w/ Sir’s sexy, high shine, leather boots… and hard.

Sir Loki, Pup Nitro, and I walked out for breakfast together, and then, back at the hotel, Sir leashed me and took me to the market to shop around.  I was curious about finding some more gear in my black-and-green color scheme (to match my hood… and my tattoo… and my pretty, green eyes).  We looked over a few possibilities: a green harness, black neoprene shorts w/ green piping, a black rubber shirt w/ green trim…  Nothing that was in my meager price-range screamed “buy me!” so I settled on a $10 green cock ring as a souvenir.  There was some nice stuff, but I was trying to be very money conscious b/c I have some credit card debt I really need to clean-up.  But I collected a few vender business cards, so maybe once Christmas rolls around…

Sir got his high shine boots blacked.  They looked great afterwards!  The bootblack really brought out the red coloration in them.  Very nice.  Sir had a second bootblack ticket, so the plan was for me to get my leather dress pants blacked at some point.  They have some bad scratches on the knees.  (Can’t imagine how that happened.)  But for now, it was time for lunch, so we joined back up w/ Nitro and the three of us went out for some first rate Tai food.  Over lunch, Nitro shared some of his insight about leather contests and how they work and what the judges look for…

The next thing Sir and Nitro wanted to do was go to the Hellfire Club’s cocktail party.  The Leather Achieves & Museum had a display there honoring the history of the Hellfire Club – one of the oldest extant BDSM clubs in the country.  They also had some original artworks they were raffling off for charity – pretty cool drawings.  Best of all, though, was that I got to spend the event on-leash.  I think we could be doing just about anything; if the Alpha is dragging me around on my leash, I’m happy.

Then it was nap time for Sir, Nitro, and me.  Another real nap, not a “Loki nap,” which is something different… and not as restful.  After our actual, restful nap, we went to the pup meet-n-greet, which I as really looking forward to.  This was held in a big, hotel suite.  There were about two dozen pups and handlers crammed in there – some in gear, some not – including a few familiar faces from Dominion and our extended Atlanta pack, which I was delighted to see.  I didn’t do much talking, though.  I wore my wonderful rubber hood, and Sir had me on all fours on-leash, at his feet while he did more of the chit-chat (very okay w/ me).  Most of the pups were on two legs, but a few got down to nuzzle me and say hi.

I would have been happy to stay at the pup meet-n-greet; I’ve blogged in the past about how odd it is for me to have been a pup for so many years and know only a couple of other pups, and how in the last few years the community has exploded, so I get to meet, sniff, and pounce new pups at every event I go to.  However, Loki wanted to see some of the IML contest, and Nitro said this would be the best night (the pop questions).  So, Sir (still holding my leash), Nitro, and I (still wearing my hood) boarded the bus to shuttle us over to the contest location.  We took our seats.  Pup Ranger came over to say hi.  Sir got me a rum-n-coke w/ a straw so I could sip it w/ my puppy hood on.  The contest started.  I pulled my glasses out of my vest pocket and balanced them on my muzzle so I could see the show better.  Sir snorted, and said to Nitro that I looked like Mr. Peabody.

Speaking to Nitro, I pointed at Sir and said, “And this is my boy, Sherman.”

Sir hit me in the nuts.

Hard.

Nitro stayed for the whole event, but after about half the contest, Sir decided it was time to seek some dinner, so we shared a cab w/ a nice couple back to the IML hotel (and saw fireworks along the way).  We had dinner at a fancy steakhouse.  (I took my hood off… but still wore my leash. Normally I'm not this "out" w/ fetish stuff in public, but the steakhouse was right across the street from the IML hotel, so if you only looked out the window you saw guys in leather and gear.)  Back at the hotel, Sir smoked a cigar out front.  I fucking HATE smoking, and Sir said I could go inside… but inside the lobby was so crowded and crazy loud that I went back out front.  I asked Sir to re-hood me, and then I knelt at his feet while he smoked (smoke rises, and the rubber helped mask the nasty ass smell… not that I actually need an excuse to wear my hood and kneel at my Alpha’s feet).  I remember a few people took photos of us while we were out there.

Eventually we headed back up to our room… where Sir stripped me and tied me face down, spread-eagle to the bed.  First he bit me, flogged me, and whipped me Shdwkitten-style (i.e. no warm up – my Owner is a zero-to-sixty Top).  He said he was feeling mean.  (Because usually he’s a kind and generous Sir.)

Then he crawled on top of me and we had some ferocious werewolf sex.  Puppy likes werewolf sex!  Both Loki and I are usually very non-verbal during sex: we growl, snarl, bark, yelp, and whimper – but don’t speak much.  However, once in a blue moon, we get in this headspace where we both get quite verbal.  This (for whatever reason) was one of those times.  He kept calling me his “little fuck puppy” and his “cock hound.”  Really tripped my triggers!  Add to this, that he reminded me that I wasn’t going to cum tonight.  For some perverse reason, knowing that he wasn’t going to allow me to cum made the whole experience even hotter.  I think amongst all my own half-crazed babbling, I thanked him profusely for not letting me cum too soon.  I apparently also begged him not to stop fucking me and damn near cried when he finally pulled out.  (And I do mean “finally” – it apparently was a really, really long fuck.  I think Nitro went out for pizza and came back while we were still going at it.)

I think I really was looking this weekend to get into a deep submissive headspace w/ Sir.  Of course, it helps that the more turned-on I get the more putty-in-his-hands I become… and Loki knows how to push all of his wolfhound’s buttons.  *wags*

Thus ends a very steamy Saturday at IML 2014.

To be continued…

International Mr. Leather, 2014 – Part 1, Friday

 I’ve wanted to go to the IML’s Woof Camp for many years.  It’s the largest mosh of pups in the US.  Last year it was 100+ pups and 60+ handlers.  It’s held at International Mr.Leather in Chicago each year.  I’ve never been really interested in IML, per say, (the leather title contest thing just doesn’t do much of anything for me) but Woof Camp has been a dream.  Last weekend that dream got realized when I joined Sir Loki at our first IML.  Spoiler: We had loads of fun!

Friday afternoon, I flew in to Chicago.  I’ve never been that far north in the US before.  (In Europe, I’ve been to Schleswig-Holstein, a stone’s throw from the Denmark boarder.)  I took a shuttle van from Midway into downtown, and enjoyed the Chicago skyline.  It's not crazy-screwy spread out all over the damn place like Atlanta; instead, the tall buildings are all concentrated together in a proper down town.  The Wilis Tower (formerly Sears Tower) is very impressive - formerly the tallest building in the world, and easily the tallest building I've ever seen in person.  Chicago has several buildings taller than any of Charlotte's skyscrapers, but each of those is only a bit more then half the Wilis Tower, so it really does dominate the skyline.

Our shuttle van drove under an el train, and I had this total French Connection geek-out moment.  When I got to the hotel I called my Owner.  Shdwkitten wasn’t able to join me (we had to spend too much money re-building Thunder’s pen – and we weren’t sure if IML would be her thing anyway.  Thank you, Ma’am, for sending me!).  The thing she was the most jealous of?  On the way in we drove past Chase Tower where they record Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! each week.  For Ma'am, that was far more exciting than IML, Woof Camp, the Wilis Tower, the el, the Art Institute, or anything else.  Just driving past the Chase Auditorium.  (You might be an NPR geek if…)

So, I arrived at the hotel.  The immediate impression is: Oh, my gods, there is a lot of testosterone in this building.  The hotel is like 40 floors, and it's almost all men.  I saw some women there - and I never heard anything about the women there being mistreated or disrespected - but the ratio is like 50 to 1.  Put it this way: the first 7 floors of the hotel are convention levels, and on the first 7 floors they (wisely) converted all the ladies' rooms into unisex restrooms.  So, I'm just arriving and walking through the crowded lobby, and I'm like - "I don't know... we might be a little too heavy on the guy energy here..."  I guess my reaction was different from most of the guys since I’m more hetroflexable than anything else.  It was - well, it was a bit like arriving in a foreign country.  You know, you just have that feeling of being in a different place?  A traveler in a different world?  It was kind of like that.

Fortunately, I like to travel in foreign lands!  Yay!

I roomed w/ Sir and his leather brother, Pup Nitro, and another friend.  They created a space for my bags (one backpack of clothes, and one big suitcase of gear).  Then Sir offered to walk me through the market, so he attached my leash and off we went.  One thing I was really, really looking forward to about this weekend was spending as much time on-leash as possible.  The leash is a huge fetish object for me, and I have this fantastic, long, heavy leather leash.  It's not a for-show piece; it's totally utilitarian – literally it's made for a big bio-dog.  The market was on two floors, each of which is bigger than the size of Frolicon’s vender room.  There was a serious fuck load of venders!  But Friday afternoon we just did a quick walk-though.

Then we went back up to the room for a nap.  I snuggled up in bed w/ my Alpha, and we had an actual nap, not a “Loki nap” (which involves being in bed during the day, but doesn’t involve doing anything restful).  Unfortunately, Sir was too tired to get up for the rubber party, so we napped through it.  Too bad, since I love any excuse to pull on my sexy, black and green, rubber hood.

We did, however, make it to Gear Blast – the party for guys (and one or two girls) w/ gear fetishes.  I wore my motorcycle sport bike suit.   

 There were a few other sport bike suits, various sports kit (Loki, of course, wore Underarmor), rubber, pup hoods, fur-suits, and uniforms.  I think both the Alpha and I found the party a little disappointing, though.  Not bad – but we didn’t really meet anybody new or hook-up or anything.  The best part for me, by far, came when my Alpha ran into a couple of rubber guys he knew and struck up conversation while I knelt at his feet.  Oh, that felt so good!  I hadn’t been allowed to cum in a little over three weeks, and I’d already sent Sir a text saying that I wanted to spend IML “kneeling at your feet, on my leash, in pain.”  Well, there was no pain, yet, but it was still hot as fuck!  Plus, one or two of the rubber guys petted me, so I was a happy (and horny) wolfhound.  *wags*

Still, we left Gear Blast early and Loki took me out to pizza.  I prefer New York style thin crust pizza, but naturally we had to try some Chicago style deep dish.  “Deep dish” = a bread bowl full of tomato paste.  It was good, but I’ll stick w/ my thin crust, thanks.

Sir didn’t feel like returning to Gear Blast (it was now, around 11:30 pm), so we just headed back to up our room.  This led to sexy fun time, and the wolfhound got to milk his Alpha’s bone.  Hooray for a yummy desert!  ;)   Sir edged me but wouldn’t let me cum.  He said Id have to wait until Sunday – maybe until after Woof Camp.  “Just think of how horny you’ll be, rolling around w/ all those cute puppies after three weeks w/o cumming…”  *drools*

Oh, boy…  It’s going to be that kind of con.  ;)

To be continued…

BDSM Safety Month: Doing Negotiation Right

Did you know it’ BDSM Safety Month?  There was a really excellent post on Fet (https://fetlife.com/users/18720/posts/2208564 ) in which lady up in British Columbia posted about a very unfortunate incident in which a newbie went home w/ a male Dom she met at a munch or a party, had no safe call, didn’t check references, etc. – and apparently he raped her.  In response, the lady who wrote this Fet post asked that we all make May BDSM Safety Month – that every lifestyle veteran and community leader try to do something this month (a blog post, host a topical munch, teach a class, tweet a link to an article…) about some aspect of BDSM safety: safe calls, references, BDSM 101, Dungeon safety, STI awareness…  I think that is an awesome idea, so, as someone who’s been doing this for 13 years, I am answering the call.

I thought about what to write about.  Maybe the importance of checking references?  What SSC/RACK means to me?  Don't do erotic asphyxiation by yourself.  Eventually I decided to write about negotiation, b/c it’s one of the most important and basic skills to having a safe and satisfying BDSM scene – yet I find very few people do it well.  Most either move past it too fast or else they approach t as a mood-killing checklist.

Okay, first thing.  Negotiation is important; don’t skip it.

Second thing: don’t give me your fucking checklist.

Negotiation done right should be foreplay and seduction.  Get this in your head: The scene starts when you start to negotiate!  Stand close to the person you’re negotiating w/ - and touch one another.  You’re getting ready to have a BDSM scene for gods’ sakes, so let’s start w/ some petting.  Open your stance.  Look them in the eye while you talk (unless they want you looking at their feet and then do that).

Starting off, before you even get into limits:  What kind of bottom are you?  Are you a stoic bottom who remains still and quiet while taking a beating?  Do you like to resist and fight back?  Are you a talkative bottom?  A smart-assed masochist?  Do you like to joke around and laugh – or are you the New Age, woo-woo, put on some Enigma, and go on a trans-personal journey kind of bottom?

Me: I’m a very physically reactive bottom – not at all stoic.  I emote w/ my whole body when I play.  I usually slide into my puppy headspace during a beating and start to bark and growl.  However, during interrogation play I like to do the jokey smart-ass thing.

Related to that, how do you process pain?  My Owner (e.g.) screams really, really loud and hits things (the wall, the cross, other people…)

In addition to barking and growling, I tend to hop and “dance”

Level of bondage? 

If I’m doing impact play (i.e. beat the fuck out of the puppy), I generally don’t like a lot of heavy bondage b/c I like to bounce and hop.  When I first started, I preferred a blindfold or black-out hood, but these days, while I still like them sometimes, I generally feel more connected if I can watch the Top and make eye-contact while he or she plays w/ me.

Level of sexual contact?  It’s important to get this one out there.

If it’s the first time we’re playing – usually I don’t mind you touching my puppy parts w/ your hands/gloves (* see health conditions below), but that’s probably all that will happen on a first date.  ;)

Health conditions?  STI’s?  When was your last STI test?

(1) I have a bad left shoulder and scapula from a motorcycle accident, and sometimes impact right on my left shoulder blade can be a problem. (2) Although, fortunately, I don’t generally have problems w/ the accompanying rash, I am a carrier of the HSV2 virus, so you may want to wear gloves if touching my puppy parts.

Landmines or triggers?  These are things that can cause an unexpected, too powerful emotional reaction – whether anger or crying or panic, although the most common reaction seems to be dissociating and ‘zoning out.’  Usually these are like PTSD – related to some past incident – but often we don’t know we have them until the first time they get triggered.  They could be all kinds of things from being called a certain name or the use of a certain toy (e.g. a belt). 

None so far.

Hard limits?  Most people know this one, but unfortunately when they negotiate, often this the only thing most people cover.

Me:  Sounds, heavy CBT, scat, cigar or cigarette smoke…

Soft limits and turn-off’s?  I define soft limits as either ‘I don’t like it but I can take it if I must’ or ‘I can only do this if I’m in the right headspace for it.’

Cold, piss… and having to touch socks.  (I really fucking hate the texture of socks.)  This are quick turn-off’s for me.  However – there was one time when Ma’am had me sooooooo crazy horny, fuck-drunk that I was literally begging her to stuff more ice cubes up my ass – so it’s amazing what can happen in the right head-space.

Turn-on’s?  Often when negotiating we focus on what we don’t want to happen and forget to talk about what we do like.  Most Tops who are any good like to see the bottom enjoying themselves – they get a rush out of sending you into orbit.  Therefore, help them out, and don’t be shy about what gets you off.  (Just remember also, unless you’re w/ a pro-Don, negotiating a scene isn’t placing an order!!!  Let them know what you like, but don’t “top from the bottom.”)  Talking about turn-on’s is important.  Not only does it tend to lead to a good scene, but it also makes negotiation into foreplay.

For me: growling, biting, licking, sniffing, scratching, and such primal behavior is a big turn on.  I like more kinetic, impact play b/c the energy gives me a head rush.  (But I still sometimes also enjoy needles, wax, electro, or other, more quite kinds of play, too.)  I like thudy better than stingy.  Body punching is hot.  So is kicking.  The feel of a boot to my thigh or ass (or shoulder if I’m on all fours) is yummy.  My Owner often mixes in some light breath control – just putting her hands over my mouth and nose for 8 or 10 seconds – very hot.  I love to be rewarded and encouraged by hearing “good boy” and “good doggy,” and in the past I’ve gotten very turned-on when Sir has called me his “little fuck puppy.”

Aftercare and ending a scene?

For many years our joke was that the only aftercare I need is a cookie.  I’m not very needy w/ my aftercare… but my favorite way to end a heavy impact scene is, after you beat the fuck out of me, hydrate me, put on my pads, paws, leash, and hood, and go directly into pup play.  That is heaven!

So far I’ve written about negotiation from the PoV of a bottom – but don’t forget that Tops also are part of this, and most everything above also applies to the Top.  What kind of Top are you?  What are your limits – b/c Tops have limits, too!  Health conditions, STI’s, landmines, triggers?  (Tops can also have landmines and triggers.  I know one top who, upon the sound of someone banging on a wall, zoned out into a childhood flashback, and I knew another who did that when he smelled shit.)  Turn-on’s?  Aftercare needs/expectations? (Tops can have those, too.)

Because this relates to first-time play partners, I want to end on this:  I no longer remember where I heard it, so I can’t give credit where it’s due, but one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard for new play partners (particularly for the Tops) was this:  The first time you play w/ someone it’s more important that nothing goes wrong than it is that everything goes really awesome.  As long as the scene goes fine and you both have fun, then you will likely get a chance to play w/ that person again.  The more you play w/ and learn one-another, the more super-awesome your play will get, but don’t make the mistake the first time of trying to over-do it.  Just make sure it’s fun and enjoyable enough that they will want to do some more w/ you another time.  BDSM is about trust and by building trust gradually you can have better and better scenes.

Everyone play safe (or risk aware, if you prefer), and please take up the call to make May BDSM Safety Month.

A Puppy at the Woodshed

 So, last weekend I served as one of the judges for the North Carolina Leather Contest, which is now held as part of the Tradesmen’s leather run.  When they asked me to be one of the judges for this thing I was like: “Whaaaaaaat!?  Why would they ask me!?”  So it was reassuring to hear that I was not alone – when I was announced as a judge they got plenty of calls and messages going: “Whaaaaaaat!?  Why would you ask Emrys!?”  Let's say, it was a bold and unconventional choice...

I was flying solo for the contest events, but my Owner and Poet were able to join us all Saturday evening for dinner w/ the CAPEXians and the celebration party at the Woodshed, Charlotte.  That was so much fun!  For the first time, Ma’am allowed me to put on my new hood around her.  She really doesn’t like hoods.  She finds them creepy, so I usually don’t get to wear a puppy hood when we play together.  But Saturday night she not only let me wear my hood, but she even held my leash almost the whole night (minus a couple of times she handed me off to others), and (big surprise for me) she even petted my head/hood a couple of times.  Being allowed to pup out was a much needed release after the contest.  Being such an introvert and being there w/o my family made for a rather taxing experience.  Contest over, it was so nice just to let go and pup the fuck out.

It was just a really great time for me.  Being out at the bar in my hood is wonderful – being on leash too!  *wags*  I’m used to being out as a pup in the dungeon and at Frolicon, but doing it at a bar is something I had not done before.  Being able to drop to all fours for scritches and pets while everyone else is drinking, flirting and socializing – that was great.  Not having to talk to anyone was nice.  Seriously.  Just being a puppy...  A few of times I was taken for a walk (by Jade, Orange, and Stick) while Ma’am hung out, drank, flirted, chatted, ate jello shots off boobies, and kissed the Otter.  She kissed the Otter a lot, actually.  But that's fine, b/c I also seem to recall a couple of times I ended up w/ my puppy nose planted in Stick’s crotch.

One of the guys who works at the Shed took my photo to add to their collection.  Apparently they’ve never had a pup there.  Well, I mean, I’ve been there several times (not often, but I usually drop in at the Shed once or twice a year), but I’ve never been there in pup mode before.  Several other guys asked to have their photo taken with me… and I think there were a few leather daddies there who would have liked to have done more w/ the puppy than take a photo – I got a lot of admitting looks.  All of which was great fun for me b/c “puppy” is another name for “attention whore.”  Fun! Fun!  Fun!

After midnight, it also happened to be Poet’s birthday.  (The Forth will be with him… always.)  Ma’am (who was pretty lit) started telling everybody around that it was his birthday.  Then she went and located the Woodshed’s owner.  He announced over the PA to everyone that it was Poet’s birthday, and then he used a huge paddle to give some birthday spankings to a highly embarrassed Poet Gareth.

I really enjoyed spending time w/ friends: both our CAPEX family and our new friends from the Atlanta Panthers who had come up for the leather run.  Being able to be a puppy at the leather bar made it all the better.  Seeing my Owner laughing, flirting and having fun as well as being so giddy over embarrassing Poet – that was icing on the cake.