2012 Year in Review (2)

39 questions about my year (Part Two, 21-39):

21. How did you spend Christmas?
We decked the Treehouse in Griffendor colors (that’s Kitten’s House; last year was mine: Ravenclaw blue and silver), and had some great family and friends up for a day or three, drunk an unreasonable amount of alcohol, and watched the boys cruise on Grinder.  LOL.

22. Did you fall in love?
I fall more in love w/ my fantastic Owner every year!!!  *licks*  (…and this is year 8!)

23. Have any one-night stands?
One… w/ a pretty, young girl at our spring Treehouse party.  Other stands have been more ongoing than one night.  ;-)

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Nothing new.  Ma’am and I have been re-watching Babylon 5 as well as Jeremy Brett’s Sherlock Holmes series.  I also watched the first season of MacGyver, which I used to love as a kid, and I’m happy to say that it’s aged reasonably well (i.e. not horribly dated).

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope.  Although we do have a new (noisy) neighbor that I could live w/o.

26. What was the best book you read?
I never pick one.

The Fragility of Goodness by Martha Nussbaum

Moral Politics, How Liberals and Conservatives Think by G. Lakoff

Assimilation by Bootbrush (winner in the Best Erotica category  I think my rubber fetish is growing b/c of this book)

Urban Aboriginals by Geoff Mains (I like his take on “Leather,” which he defines as “the culture of the forbidden,” being roughly equal to “modern primitive/tribal”… rather than this very formalized, protocol-heavy thing I'm not into.)

I also re-read Huck Finn this summer, for the first time since high school.

27. What was your favorite new music of 2012?
Lots of new musical discoveries this year – notably Adel and Gotye.  Leonard Cohen came out w/ a new CD, as did Poe and Halestorm (whom we saw live).  I’ve always liked Coldplay, but started listening to them a lot more heavily this year, and they are now one of my favorite bands.

28. What did you want and get?
A leather puppy hood

Ink

29. What did you want and not get?
A (much more expensive) rubber puppy hood and rubber suit

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Best A-list film:  Life of Pi (But I haven’t yet seen Argo which my Owner said was her favorite)

B-movies:  Best was probably John Carter on Mars.  Brave was also outstanding.  Skyfall was one of the best of all 007 films.  Loved The Avengers and the new Spider-man.

Worst: Crouching Tiger Hidden Vampire… AKA Hypersonic Super-Vampire Ninjas of the Civil War.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Last year’s answer:  “Thirty-six.  Went to Frolicon, and I got a great tail for my birthday!!!  Then I got beat by Loki.”

This year’s answer: Thirty-seven.  Went to Frolicon and got a great leather puppy hood, and then got accepted into Loki’s pack!!!

I have no idea how 2013 is going to top that…

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I wish I was introduced to the Pirate earlier.  He and Ma’am were dating for like 6 months before she introduced me to him… which is really, really odd for us and our relationship – not how we normally do things.  That’s been very difficult for me… but it’s getting better.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
I need to buy a new pair of rubber shorts since Tebow destroyed mine on our first encounter.  :P

34. What kept you sane?
Woof!  Arf. Arf.  Grrrrr… *panting*

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lizzy Hale.  She looks like she could throw a good punch.  *drools*

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality.  We had a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in my state… but, for the first time, the President came out in favor of it, and it was great to see marriage equality win by popular vote in 4 states.

37. Who did you miss?

Well, I haven’t seen my friend Jay in 2 years now.  (And now that I think of it, he doesn’t have my new email address or phone number… Oops.)

38. Who was the best new person you got to know?
Getting to know Loki better and meeting Tebow!  *Wags*

I’ve also enjoyed getting to know some of the others among their friends and family in Atlanta.

I’m enjoying getting to know The Pirate (Ma’am’s boyfriend) and Mina (Ma’am’s girlfriend).

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
In 2010 I wrote, “In 2011 I want to be less involved in the ‘politics’ of kink,” and then in 2011 I ended up right back on the CAPEX Board again… so that didn’t happen!  (However, I will say that 2011 was a good year on the board – largely free of any stress or drama.)  I was on the Board in 07 and 08, Ma’am was on in 09, then I was back on in 10 (briefly) and 11… but in 2012 I finally managed to keep out of group politics!  Much more significant than that, however, was venturing into a new territory, joining Loki’s pack, discovering new folks and fresh energy which really helped revitalize and re-center me. 

My first 5 active years in the lifestyle (call it, phase 1) I learned a lot, played very hard, and did lots of the grunt-work that our community runs on (set-up, DM-ing, hanging decorations, food prep…).  The next 5 years (phase 2) I was in a leadership role, laying plans, improvising when those plans invariably didn’t work, smoothing ruffled feathers, putting out fires, and trying to keep the train on the tracks.  I still played… but not as frequently.  Then, in June, my community honored me w/ my marvelous tattoo in recognition of my years of service to Charlotte kink.  So now I well and truly feel like I’m in phase 3 of my journey.  The I’ve-paid-my-dues-and-I-ain’t-do’n-no-god-damned-DM-shift phase.  LOL.  No, I’m kidding.  It actually feels more like return to the beginning – a return to fundamentals (entering a new community, negotiating in a new D/s relationship w/ Loki, experiencing new scenes and new play styles, trying to play more… and still taking DM shifts as needed) – but w/ the benefit of all the years of experience.

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

     --  T.S. Eliot

So what’s the life lesson?  Maybe that life is a journey in which you can expect to go through many phases and wear different hats… but you also circle around a lot, too.  Hopefully you grow, learn (and never stop learning)… and sometimes you’re fortunate and your peeps even recognize your achievements.  So here’s wishing all my readers a good journey in 2013.  Keep your tail up!

2012 Year in Review (1)

I have used this format at the end of each year on my friends-only blog since 2004.  So let the tradition continue here.  I’m going to break it up in two posts.

39 questions about my year (Part One, 1-20):

1. What did you do this year that you'd never done before?
Attended a men-only play party (I’ve been in a few gay bars, but never an all male play party).   Went to kinky karaoke at Wine-up (which was scarier than the gay play party).  Joined a puppy pack, and participated in my first puppy mosh.  Got a tattoo.  Was interviewed by a Pulitzer-prize winning journalist and quoted in Businessweek.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I refused to make any resolutions last year (b/c the year before I rather ambitiously made five).  For next year: (1) Finish and self-publish the family history book I've been working on for 3 years (which not the book mentioned in #9, by the way)… and (2) sketch in my new leather, hand-made sketchbook at least once a week.  I think I’m going to number them 1-52.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
We lost our 15-year-old cat Cleo.  I believe that was all this year… which was good b/c last year I lost several of my people.

5. Did anyone close to you get married?
Andrew and Mel!!  :D

6. What places did you visit?
Spent a lot of time in Atlanta (and visited the Atlanta Eagle for the first time, and attended SELF for the first time).  We also made it up to DC for a couple of days (and stayed at a very posh hotel, complements of the United Nations)… but otherwise we didn’t do a lot of traveling in 2012 – we had to save money until Ma’am found a job.

7. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?
Last year I requested, “A roof that doesn’t leak and employment for Shdwkitten.”  I got both.  However, we’re now back to my answer from a couple of years ago, “a working hot tub,” b/c our 20-year-old hot tub is once again on the blink.

8. What day from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Two good and one bad:  My birthday, when Sir Loki accepted me into his pack, and the day I was gifted my tattoo from the CAPEX community in recognition of 10 years of service and growth (I almost cried).  One bad: Halloween, when Snow and Ma’am split-up.

9. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Wrote a 270+ page draft of a book – my longest piece of writing yet.  (Prior publications have been limited to bloging, comic strips, essays, a children’s book, and the afterward of a graphic novel.  Short stuff.)

10. What was your biggest failure?
Don’t think I had any…  I’m just that good.  :)

11. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Continuing back pains. Well, when your 37 and spend a lot of time sitting on the floor and sleep in a dog kennel, back pain is not surprising…  That and I did flip my happy ass over the handlebars of my motorcycle in ’04, which probably didn’t do wonders for my spine.

12. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought-back Shdwkitten’s old bow.  It was given to her when she was 16, but she thought she had lost it in her divorce w/ Snow.  She missed it terribly.  I secretly bought it back and surprised her w/ it under the ol’ Yule tree.  Making her so happy was grand.

13. Whose behavior merited a celebration?
Ma’am, although she didn’t have much money (having just started her new job), took a little money out of our savings and gave it to a coworker she hardly knew.  This poor girl w/ a kid was living out of her car on the run from an abusive ex (whom she has a restraining order against) and needed help getting her life re-set.  Ma’am told the girl not to pay the money back, but pay it forward once she got on her feet.  About a week later, a friend of ours, Beth-Ann, contacted Ma’am, and, when it came up that Ma’am needs some dental work done, Beth-Ann insisted on loaning Ma’am (interest free) a not-inconsiderable sum of money to get some work done on her teeth as just a random act of kindness.  So kudos to Shdwkitten and Beth-Ann.

14. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
You know… I don’t think anybody this year did anything to appall me; which is good.

15. Where did most of your money go?
Paying Shdwkitten’s bills.  :P  (Just kidding, Ma’am.)

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting together w/ Max, Timm, and Noreht.  It was the first time in like 12 years for the four of us (who’ve been friends since high school) to all get together at once.  It made me very happy.

17. What song will always remind you of this year?

So many great songs this year (see #27)… but given this year’s break-up (#8), probably “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye:

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I’ll admit that I was kind of glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don’t even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough

18. Compared to this time last year, you are:
… a lot more online.  I started this public blog, a PupZone profile, and a Fet profile.  I’m slowly moving into the 21^st century.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gaming… and attending Trish’s philosophy salon.  Always enjoy both, but never get an opportunity for either more than a couple of times a year.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Honestly… nothing really comes to mind.  Even at work things were pretty fun/smooth this year.

Epic Fetch!

We’ve had a wonderful Christma-Haunna-Kwanza-Yule.  We decked the Treehouse out in Gryffendor red and gold (my Owner’s a Gryffindor; I’m a Ravenclaw, and last year we did my silver and blue), and had half a dozen friends, family, and romantic partners come up for a day or three.  Specifically, that would be: my Owner and I, my best friend Max and his boy Jake (they’re back together again -- yea!), Ma’am’s mom and dad, Ma’am’s girlfriend, Ma’am’s girlfriend’s boyfriend, and a couple of other kinky friends of ours.

I’ve got some petty good in-laws – Dad in particular is a hoot.  They are a couple of old S.C.A.idian, Neo-pagan, sci-fi/fantasy, gamer geeks.  It’s also great that we can be completely out w/ them.  The first time Shdwkitten took me to meet her parents I was wearing my collar and introduced as her pet.  They are very aware of our relationship, our interest in BDSM, and Ma’am being bisexual and polyamourus… and raise no issues w/ it.  Dad always says to her, “As long as you’re safe and happy, then I’m happy for you.”

Before they arrived, Max asked, just to be sure, “Now, what level of filter do we need here?”  We were like, “None.”  Ma’am explained:  “The spreader bars that I have… those were a gift from Mom and Dad; they were a set that they never used any more, so they gave them to me.”  So, when your parents are giving you their old bondage gear… welcome to Shdwkitten's family!

(We do Thanksgiving w/ my bio-family, where we are not so out… although they all know that Shdwkitten and I are a bit odd.  One time, my mom looked at Shdwkitten and, regarding our marriage, asked her, “You’re in charge aren’t you?”  Ma’am simply smiled and replied, “Yes, I am.”  “Good,” said Mom, “He needs that.”  LOL)

But I do treasure the fact that, even w/ my in-laws present, I can bark, whine, lick, be on all fours, sit on the puppy pillow in the middle of the floor…  It’s great.  Now, w/ the filters off at the Treehouse Christmas and an unreasonable amount of alcohol being consumed, we had lots of fun… and the conversations tended to run to innuendo, double-entendre… and outright dirty.  We’re a pretty “adult” crowed to start with, but once you get some alcohol in Max, he’s primed to go way over the line.  Feeding into this was the fact that Max and Jake are both addicted Grinder, and that was providing entertainment for the whole lot of us.  The best part was that once or twice they could both be chatting w/ the same guy on Grinder, but w/o him realizing that the two conversations he’s holding are w/ two guys sitting in the same room… so they could totally play off one-another while this guy thinks he’s having two completely separate conversations.  LOL.  But it turned into a group activity w/ all of us deciding how to respond to guys on Grinder.

At another point we had got to discussing inventing new CBT toys… which led to me pulling out a copy of the JT Stockroom catalogue… and us going through it commenting and joking about the various goodies on each page… which also prompted my father-in-law to comment, “Yeah, I have Stockroom bookmarked on my computer.”  LOL.  (This starts to explain a lot about Shdwkitten…)

One very funny non-“adult” moment came Christmas-eve when we gave the bio-dogs their gifts.  They got very excited when I pulled out the LARGEST rawhide bones they had ever seen.  I deliberately took my time, slowly cutting the bones from their shrink-wrap packaging while the two ecstatic, drooling bio-dogs circled me.  It was hysterical.

A couple of hours later, Branwen was passed out under the tree w/ her giant bone beside her.  :)

But they best part of the holiday came when we went to open our presents… and my Owner found something under the tree which she never expected to see (again).  Ma’am was a military brat; she grew-up all over the world and moved every few years… so she has very few possessions she feels any sentimental attachment to.  She’s an anti-hoarder.  One of the few objects she has held on to for most of her life is the bow that was given to her for her 16^th birthday.  Well, long-story-short, she thought she had lost the bow in her divorce w/ Snow, and it really broke her up that’s he would never see that old bow again.  What she didn’t know is that her hound had surreptitiously arranged to buy her bow back.  She was so surprised… and sooooooooo happy.  She said I had performed an “epic fetch,” said it was the best Christmas gift she ever received, and declared this the best Christmas she’d had since our first Christmas together 7 years ago.  She was glowing!  Seeing my Owner so happy was all I wanted for Christmas.  *wags*

Tomorrow we’ll spring one more holiday surprise.  Ma’am’s boyfriend, The Pirate, was supposed to be w/ us for all this… but his grandfather in Chicago died and he had to go up there for the funeral.  He gets back home tomorrow (Christmas day) evening.  Ma’am and her loyal hound are going to throw a little surprise for him.  Tomorrow, we’re going to clean his apartment, decorate, set-up a Christmas tree that Max and I picked-up today, and leave him some unexpected presents under said tree.  :)

Best wishes to all of my friends, family, and anonymous readers!  Have a great holiday, everyone.

Lessons Learned from Pup Play

GPup posted something on his blog, The Happy Pup, that I liked enough to re-post part of here -- both to pass his words along to others and to preserve this for myself.  He's writing about lessons he learned through puppy play, and I couldn't have said anything better myself.

I’ve learned to trust. Trust in my master & handler, trust in my pup brothers and most importantly in myself. I feel safe, nurtured and yes even owned. I feel safe with my pack, I know I can express my animal side without worry of “human” repercussions. Living in a world of day to day “consequences” taking time for human pup play has opened the door to a peaceful paradise of dog and handler, training and animal headspace, of joy without regrets.

I’ve learned to view my world though a different set of eyes. Eyes while sitting on all fours encased in leather or rubber gear, eyes that encompass my canine soul, my masters pet. A soul that is simple without the complexity of human form. A world of my owner to whom I am collared, playing, caring, supporting. While part of my dog like drives are base, in reality it’s the mateship, the companionship, the animal trust and connection that brings me such joy.

Source: http://thehappypup.com/my-journey-of-human-pup-play/

Old and New

I recently found another good puppy blog.  http://puppyaven.wordpress.com/  Puppy Stryker is relatively new to the BDSM/fetish/human-puppy world, and I love reading about how new pups come into the lifestyle and find their path.  His story is interesting and his writing is very honest.  I recommend you take a look.  Highlights include this too cute video of a puppy taking a bath:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZl58Y6IB5Y&feature=endscreen&NR=1 

Reading about his first couple of years in the lifestyle provided yet another angle for me to reflect on my journey in the lifestyle (which has now lasted over 10 years).  It’s funny b/c in some ways I feel very much like a veteran of the community (if, at 37, still not an “elder”… just a grumpy old fart in-training), but in other ways this is all still new to me and there are so many things I haven’t done.

On the one hand, it’s fun and exciting to know that there are still so many great things I have yet to experience!  On the other hand… the fact that’s taken me over a decade to get this far and I still have so many things not checked off my bucket list also makes me feel like I’m running behind the curve or something…

I first tried puppy play (something I was always curious about) in 2005 (already several years after I entered the BDSM community), and I’ve identified as a “pup” since about ‘06 or ’07.  I only bought my first tail last year and my first hood this year.  I only got to play in my first (and really only) proper mosh this year – so we’re talking 5 or 6 years after becoming “Pup” Emrys.  I played w/ other pups prior to that, but only one-on-one.  I’ve been to several kink conventions, but I’ve yet to visit one of the really big puppy events like IML’s Woof Camp or CLAW, or even International Mr. Puppy (either one); that’s still on the bucket list.

One thing that’s slowed me down is that my home community (Charlotte, NC) and home club (a pansexual group w/ mostly het-male-Top/female-bottom, Master/slave, S/m players… consequently I do have a lot of S/m experience) has never had a general interest in puppy play.  For many years it was basically just me.  We used to have several littles in the group, and they were fun to pup-out with, but even the littles are gone now.  Even at Frolicon and Fantasm, for years, I was the only pup there… but now they seem to be coming out of the woodwork down there in Georgia.  It’s been fantastic for me, in 2012, to start sniffing around the Atlanta community this last year and find it (now) crawling w/ puppies!  I’m not alone any more.  *wags*

The other factor that has slowed me down some is that my Owner doesn’t have the same level of interests in puppy-associated fetishes.  We’re very compatible in many ways… but one thing that has slowed me down from buying puppy gear (I’d love to one day have a rubber pup-hood and latex “cat”-suit; I think I’d look pretty fetching) is my Owner doesn’t really have a fetish for rubber and she doesn’t like masks.  To me, masks are very spiritual.  Having read a lot anthropology and mythology, I associate masks w/ shamanism, and I think of pup play is very much a shamanistic transformation.  (And I think skin-tight rubber looks hot!)  But, for my Owner’s part, masks and hoods just creep her out.  And that’s okay; it’s just an interest we don’t share.  Of course rubber masks and suits are also pretty expensive, and so I’ve never yet been able to justify the expense… as much as I want to.  Maybe this will change in 2013 as I now have a new venue (Atlanta’s bi-monthly Dominion parties) where such gear would be appreciated.

As I said, in some ways it’s fun and exciting that (after so many years and so many cool experiences… and, yeah, one or two not so cool ones) to once again be feeling that newbie energy.  I’m now building up a wish list of what I want to do in the upcoming year (or two).  I have some puppy-life catching up to do.  *wags*

Going by the Numbers (Why Open/Polyamory?)

Recently somebody posted this comment on Tebow’s blog:

“You know, having a kinky long term, romantic relationship is not an easy thing. It is a challenge to find. I got extremely lucky with my partner, but I'd gather it's one of the reasons many couples in the kink world are open... because of the difficulty in fulfilling both requirements at once.” 

I found this to be a very interesting observation… and not a way I had really looked at it before.  I’ve always just thought that the reason why so many of us kinksters are open or poly is b/c we are, by our nature, “sexual rebels” and monogamy just seemed like one more convention to ignore.  There’s probably some truth to that – once you open that door by questioning why human sexual/intimate relations has to fit into one, small, vanilla box then everything (safe, sane, and consensual) becomes a possibility.

(Note: I am NOT one of those irritating “kink evangelists” who thinks that everyone is really kinky but most of them are just too repressed to know/accept it.  I find that very condescending.  If you don’t want vanilla folks thinking of you as sick then don’t insult them by thinking of them as repressed.)

I find this suggestion about the difficulty for kinksters to find one relationship that fulfills both romantic/partnership needs and sexual/fetish needs interesting.  It makes sense in terms of pure numbers.  If kinky people are a sexual minority, then that narrows your range of potential partners you can hook-up with.  An Australian phone survey of 19,000 anonymous participants found kinky sex interests – BDSM, fetish, and sexual role-play – common to only 2%.  An American study found that only 2-3% engage in BDSM… while 20% admit feeling arousal at some BDSM imagery.  (Okay, so some people are repressed.)  When dealing w/ a community that is such a small minority of the population then it naturally will be very tricky to find someone you are sexually/intimately compatible with (someone from that 2-3%) who is also romantically compatible and works as a life-partner.

And even if you find another kinky person you “click” with, odds are still good that your kinks won’t be 100% compatible.  Kink/BDSM covers such a wide range from S/m, to gear fetishists, to bondage, to role-play, to D/s dynamics…

I’m very fortunate that my wonderful Owner and I are like largely compatible.  She’s a heavy S, and I’m a heavy m.  We both like a very primal style of play (tooth and claw).  She likes to be in charge w/o having to micro-manage; I like her being in charge but don’t want to be micro-managed.  But there’s still an area where we have different needs.  For Ma’am’s part: (1) She’s very bi and enjoys sex w/ women, (2) she’s also a switch-masochist, and (3) she likes to “bottom” sexually (i.e. put in bondage, aggressively fucked, etc.)  Those are three things I obviously can’t help her with.  For my part, I’m more of a fetishist (blindfolds, gags, hoods, masks, gear, bondage…leashes! I love to be on-leash!) than she is… and I have greater needs for “pup time” and puppy interactions.  (She enjoys watching these interactions but insists that she doesn’t “get it.”)  So we satisfy that area of incompatibility by being w/ others.  At present, Ma’am has a boyfriend and a girlfriend (in addition to me)… and I’m building a good relationship w/ my Alpha Pup and my “little brother.”

So these considerations (based on the size of our little 2-3% slice of humanity) would kind of incline a lot of us in the community to tend toward open or poly relationships – getting different needs met w/ different individuals.  That makes sense… especially when you combine it w/ my original point about the fact that we are sexual rebels and explorers already… so for us monogamy is just one more culturally-imposed norm to break.

My Type in Men (or "Eye-candy of the Male Variety")

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Jumping the Shark... on a sexy bike

I love the first Die Hard film!  The concept (and execution) was great: the idea of an big action-adventure movie where the hero was not 007 or Indiana Jones… but just some normal goof in way over his head.  The first film is really well structured in that, at each stage, McClain does the minimum response that he has to do.  He’s not trying to be a hero... just to make it through his day.  And when you watch it (unlike Indiana Jones or 007) it allows you the indulgence of saying, “Well, that’s what I would do there.”

The second film was okay if a bit redundant.  (To some extent they made that work by having McClain directly comment on it himself: “How can the same shit happen to the same guy two Christmases in a row?”  LOL.)

When the third came out, I was skeptical… but it worked!  But really only b/c of the great chemistry between Samuel L Jackson and Bruce Willis.  (Still, the illogical ending was a bit stupid.)

Then they came out w/ a forth… and I was very skeptical.  And this time my fears were correct.  They had clearly jumped the shark.  They had turned McCalin into a superhero… and thus totally undermined what was so great about the original concept.

Now there’s a Die Hard 5 coming out.  I have NO desire to see a Die Hard 5.  Except…

If you check out the trailer, 35 seconds in there is an OH MY GODS sexy girl dismounting an OH MY GODS sexy Yamaha sport-bike.  Woof!!!  *panting and drooling*

Okay, it’s probably not enough to get me to sit through the stupid movie (Hans Gruber Jr!?  Seriously!?)… but I can enjoy watching the trailer over and over!

Wolfhound on TV

This is also how I greet my Owner after she'd been away for a while...

Family Snapshot

Here's a painting I finished recently.  It's (sort of) my lovely Owner, Shdwkitten, and I.